Elon Musk, Trump, and the $55 Billion Circus 🎪

Ah, the great governmental sideshow! Enter an anonymous crypto sleuth with the zippy name of Momentum Chaser 🕵️‍♂️, who decided to perform CPR on the US Department of Government Efficiency’s (DOGE) math and concluded: “Not so fast, kiddos!” Apparently, the claimed savings of $55 billion was about as stable as Elon Musk’s decision-making skills. 💡

Speaking of Musk, DOGE is his brainchild (because of course it is). Their website boasts ambitious cuts in federal funding, agencies getting shaved down to the bone, and savings that would supposedly make Scrooge McDuck blush. But according to our mysterious sleuth, the numbers are… well, let’s call them “creative accounting.” 😏

And then, there’s Donald Trump, never one to miss a headline-making opportunity. He floated the notion of a 20% “dividend” check for taxpayers, claiming it will rain dollars on your doorstep, all courtesy of DOGE. Another 20%? That’s earmarked for tackling the national debt. Apparently, financial gurus now include Musk, Trump, and an investment dude from Azoria. Who knew? 🤷‍♂️

Even the well-inked pens at The New York Times and HuffPost couldn’t resist lifting an eyebrow at DOGE’s figures. But fear not; DOGE reassures everyone they’ve really cut $55 billion (pinkie swear). Meanwhile, critics are screaming, “Show us your work!” like your angry 6th-grade math teacher would. 🍎

DOGE: Tips, Tricks, and Total Confusion

Musk, never one to let grass grow under his feet (or employees, apparently), tackled DOGE like it was a Tesla in need of speed updates. He claims he can shave $4 billion per day off the federal budget, eventually hitting a jaw-dropping $2 trillion. Meanwhile, reality called to say, “Wait…what?” 🤔

The much-ballyhooed DOGE dividend, championed by James Fishback of Azoria fame, seemed destined to function as a political party favor — $5,000 per household if all goes swimmingly. But hold on, Momentum Chaser wasn’t done chasing. They found major reporting “ooopsies,” like an $8 million contract magically reported as $8 billion. I mean, who hasn’t goofed up by a casual $7.992 billion? 😂

Then there’s the $655 million funding kerfuffle, counted not once, not twice, but three times for good measure. Turns out, when the dust settled, only $73 million of the “savings” were real. Somewhere a calculator is quietly sobbing. 😢

Sure, DOGE corrected the mistakes on their site (gold star for effort ✨), but the big $55 billion figure is apparently carved in stone — proof even the government loves a good number it can’t quit. Problem is, bots, bloggers, and Pulitzer-chasing journalists aren’t having any of it. 📰

Axe First, Ask Later 🪓

Meanwhile, as DOGE swings its budgetary scythe, lawsuits fly faster than pigeons in Central Park. Fourteen states tried to slap a restraining order on DOGE, but nope, the judge ruled, “Let the chopping continue!” The carnage included cuts to veterans care, special education, and researchers studying less-than-critical things like *checks notes* cancer treatments. Oh good, just what we didn’t need. 😬

Teachers and students didn’t make it out unscathed, either. The Department of Education got hit with a $900 million whopper of a budget cut. As for Musk, he clarified his status as “adviser” to calm the simmering outrage, but then Trump himself muddied the waters by saying, “I actually put Elon Musk in charge.” Of course you did, Don. 😐

Up next? Rumor has it the SEC may be in DOGE’s crosshairs. If true, one can only wonder if government efficiency hasn’t just turned into an elaborate spectator sport. 🍿 Stay tuned for the next episode of “As the Chaos Unfolds.”

2025-02-20 18:59

DOGE: Tips, Tricks, and Total Confusion

Axe First, Ask Later 🪓

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