According to newly leaked parchments (or was it a press release?), Trump International Hotel and Tower in Dubai will generously relieve you of your Bitcoin—and, perhaps, your sanity—in exchange for a not-yet-existent condo. Grand completion scheduled for the year 2029, or as it’s known in developer’s circles, “eventually.” Details are, how shall we say, floating in the desert breeze.
A minor technicality for thrill-seekers and future crypto barons: while the tower promises the usual excess—hotel, clubhouse, relentless ego—crypto payments are reserved strictly for those brave enough to buy condos, not mere hotel stints. Permanent residency carries a sticker shock somewhere between $1 million and $20 million, which is precisely the gap between “crypto enthusiast” and “Bond villain.”
In Which Trump Descends (or Ascends?) Into the World of Digital Coins
From the distant towers of London (presumably shrouded in that famous London fog), The National reports that Eric Trump, second son, professional name-dropper, and executive vice president, will handle this wondrous affair on behalf of his lineage. The Trump Organization—a name that strikes fear and/or amusement—has embarked on this collaboration with all the gravitas of a cat chasing a laser pointer.
Eric, never one to waste an opportunity for breathless commentary, graced humanity with this nugget:
“[The Tower] is going to be the first truly large-scale project that accepts Bitcoin, that accepts cryptocurrency to purchase units, and that’s really exciting for me, because I love that world and I am deeply invested in that world. I believe in cryptocurrency. When I can see two worlds that I truly love come together, it’s very exciting,” Eric Trump claimed.
Bitcoin got the golden ticket mention, while other tokens stand in the corner like party guests nobody’s spoken to. For clarity, hotel guests must continue suffering the indignities of fiat, while only those moving in for good get to flash their digital wallets. Take that, vacationers. 🏝️
Grand ambitions do not, however, extend to tokenizing your deed or handing you a slice of Dubai in NFT form. No, crypto here is simply cash, but shinier. Digital dust for real-world dust. How poetic!
Naturally, The Family Trump allies with Dar Global—a publicly listed entity in London, possibly good for dinner parties as well as billion-dollar projects. For the princely sum of $20 million, penthouse living awaits anyone seeking isolation several hundred feet above the confusion of Dubai. More modest millionaires can secure a mere condo for a trifling $1-1.2 million. No crypto airdrops included (yet).
If all goes according to the Master Plan (“if,” what a delicious word…), the Tower will joyously materialize in five years. That’s five years of anticipation, oscillating crypto prices, and developers saying, “soon, very soon.”
A new address is arriving soon: Trump International Hotel & Tower Dubai.
Learn more: #DarGlobal #Trump #Dubai @Trump
— DarGlobal (@dar_global) April 8, 2025
Eric, whose crypto credentials now include expertise in WLFI and Metaplanet (names which sound suspiciously like Bond villain startups), aims to preside over this digital conclave. If the Token2049 conference in Dubai doesn’t erupt in spontaneous applause, at least Eric will have another chance to recite his love letters to cryptocurrency.
Dubai, of course, is the place to be if you crave sun, supercars, and property prices more volatile than a Russian novel. The city is a playground for crypto and real estate dreams alike, so Trump’s tower seems inevitable—like sand getting into your shoes, or bureaucracy into your paperwork. 🏗️
We are honored to announce that Serenity, along with our valued partner MTA, attended the exclusive Trump event in Dubai.
The iconic Trump Tower model, radiant and visionary, stood as a symbol of excellence during the 2025 Gala.
Here’s to creating extraordinary futures…
— SerenitySTech (@SerenityStech) April 29, 2025
Early days, scant details, grand promises—what more could one ask, besides functioning elevators and a rooftop pool? Yet should fortune favor the bold (and wealthy), this sandcastle may very well become a lighthouse guiding future crypto mansions. Or, as the Bulgakovian devil might say: “Manuscripts don’t burn—only wallets.” 😂
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2025-04-29 21:09