Well, butter my blockchain, folks. It seems Ethereum, the second fiddle in the crypto symphony, has quietly slipped past a threshold so critical, it’s like discovering your neighbor’s been secretly training for a marathon and just ran a 4-minute mile. Only this time, instead of spandex and sweatbands, we’re talking about encrypted ICOs, Dutch auctions, and enough money to make Scrooge McDuck blush.
Here’s the scoop: Trader and investor Shuarix (yes, that’s a name, not a sneeze) pointed out that Zama, a company with a name that sounds like a forgotten Spice Girl, just pulled off the first fully encrypted ICO on the ETH mainnet. They moved confidential USDT, ran a sealed-bid Dutch auction entirely on encrypted data, and somehow managed to do all this without the internet exploding. In three days-just three!-they raked in over $118 million, shielded $100 million, and had 11,000 bidders so eager they probably forgot to eat. At one point, the Zama app was more popular than USDT and Uniswap, which is like a garage band outselling The Beatles for a weekend.
But wait, there’s more! Crypto analyst Milk Road (because nothing says finance like a dairy product) revealed that BitMine Immersion Technologies-a name that sounds like a sci-fi villain’s spa retreat-just bought 40,302 ETH in one go. That’s not a typo; they’re now sitting on a whopping 4,243,338 ETH, worth over $12.3 billion. To put that in perspective, they control 3.52% of the entire ETH circulating supply. And they’re not just hoarding it like a squirrel with acorns; they’ve staked over 2 million ETH, generating $180 million in annualized rewards. These folks aren’t just playing the long game-they’re playing the forever game.
Meanwhile, the rest of us are here wondering if we should buy another $20 worth of ETH or just stick to collecting loyalty points at the grocery store. But hey, at least this sustained buying pressure will create a price floor for long-term holders, right? Right. So, while BitMine is compounding their position at scale, we’re all just compounding our confusion.
And let’s not forget the whales-those mysterious crypto moguls who buy ETH like it’s going out of style. According to investor CW (who I assume is just someone’s initials, but I like to think it stands for “Crypto Wizard”), ETH has only reached its current realized price once in history. Yet, despite the price being practically the same as their purchase price, these whales are still accumulating. Why? Because they’re not just smart-they’re smart money. They’re preparing for an upward trend, while the rest of us are still trying to figure out how to pronounce “DeFi.”
So, there you have it. Ethereum is quietly throwing a party, and the whales are the only ones with invitations. The rest of us? We’re just here, sipping our coffee, wondering if we should buy more ETH or just start a GoFundMe for a time machine. Either way, it’s going to be one heck of a ride-just don’t forget your motion sickness pills.
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2026-01-28 00:19