France’s Wrench Attack Epidemic: More Twisted Than a Croissant 🥖🔪

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Ah, France-land of love, wine, and, apparently, the world’s most enthusiastic wrench attack enthusiasts. Jameson Lopp, Casa’s chief security officer (who clearly has a flair for understatement), estimates that France contributes a positively artistic 25% of all wrench attacks globally. How très chic! 🇫🇷

For the uninitiated, a “wrench attack” is not some avant-garde plumbing technique but rather a brutish affair where crypto holders are abducted, tortured, and coerced into surrendering their precious digital treasures. Why bother hacking blockchain when you can just hack kneecaps? Efficiency, darling! 💼🔧

A Symphony of Savagery 🎻

January set the stage with a performance worthy of a noir thriller: David Balland, Ledger co-founder, and his wife were kidnapped at gunpoint near Vierzon. The ransom? A modest €10 million-mere pocket change for a crypto magnate, non? French authorities, ever the gallant heroes, rescued the couple after sixty hours of captivity and arrested five suspects. Bravo! 👏

May brought an encore: the father of an unnamed crypto entrepreneur was kidnapped and subjected to electrocution-because nothing says “family bonding” like involuntary voltage. The ransom? Several million euros. The French police, ever the overworked babysitters, swooped in yet again. 🚔

Not to be outdone, masked attackers in Paris attempted a daylight abduction of a Paymium CEO’s daughter and toddler, disguised as delivery personnel. Alas, their performance was interrupted by a meddling father and neighbors. Mon dieu, how rude! 😱

June’s act featured a 23-year-old crypto investor snatched mid-errand, forced to call his partner to hand over his hardware wallet and cash. Romance isn’t dead-it’s just been mugged. 💔

And last week? Six men (two minors-how adorably criminal) were arrested for plotting to kidnap and rob a man of his cryptocurrency. Truly, France is the Louvre of violent crypto theft. 🖼️

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2025-11-28 08:54