Every rose has its thorn—just ask Theresa Nist.
Following the release of his book, The Golden Years, former Golden Bachelor contestant Gerry Turner revealed he told second-place finisher Faith Martin shortly before his January 2024 wedding to Theresa Nist that he felt stuck in his relationship. The reveal has sparked conversation among fans of the show.
Theresa responded on the November 4th episode of the Dear Shandy podcast, telling her ex that marrying someone he didn’t love wasn’t a kindness. She insisted he should have canceled the wedding, regardless of the fact that it was being filmed for television. ‘This was about our lives,’ she emphasized.
The 72-year-old woman stated she would have been pleased and supportive if Gerry had been honest about still having feelings for Leslie Fhima, the show’s runner-up. She said, “I would have been so happy for him to be truthful and I would have supported his decision.”
Theresa claims her ex-husband, whom she divorced in June 2024, wrote a book filled with inaccurate stories about their relationship. She says none of the stories she’s read actually happened as he described.
She explained that Gerry regretted choosing her over Leslie on The Golden Bachelor, and later became angry that he had married her. She said he tried hard to make the relationship work, but would quickly become upset and lash out at her over even small things she did that he disagreed with.
Theresa disagrees with Gerry’s version of events about why their relationship ended, but she thinks they both got married too quickly.
I’ve always believed in living life to the fullest and not looking back, but honestly, I’ve definitely stumbled along the way. I really regret rushing into marriage; it just wasn’t the right decision, and I wish I’d taken more time.
Looking back, Theresa thinks Leslie would have been a better match for Gerry. He’s now engaged to Lana Sutton, a retired teacher he met online.
She wishes she had asked, during the Fantasy Suite, ‘Who are you truly meant to be with?’ She feels she should have brought it up, and regrets not doing so.
For more revelations from Gerry’s book, read on.
Losing Toni… it was absolutely shattering. She was my everything, my high school sweetheart, and the mother of my beautiful daughters, Jenny and Angie. We’d finally gotten our dream home on the lake, and then… just weeks later, she was gone. But honestly, finding out later that she’d been battling Type 2 diabetes… that hit me even harder. It wasn’t just the grief of losing her, it was the realization she’d been quietly fighting this whole time, and I hadn’t even known. It just… broke my heart all over again.
He explained in his 2025 memoir, Golden Years: What I’ve Learned From Love, Loss, and Reality TV, that he was overwhelmed with questions about what could have been. He realized that uncontrolled diabetes puts a lot of strain on the body, especially the kidneys. He wondered if Toni might have lived longer if she’d gotten treatment, but perhaps she didn’t want to burden him with her problems. He also questioned whether he had, in some way, created an environment where she didn’t feel comfortable sharing something so important as her diagnosis.
Even though he couldn’t bring himself to stay in the Indiana house they’d shared, he put up a beautiful photo of his wife of 43 years in his new home. He explained, “That way, I see her every morning when I get dressed.”
He disagreed with a 2023 article in The Hollywood Reporter that detailed his life after retirement, including relationships he hadn’t mentioned on The Golden Bachelor. He claimed he hadn’t dated for over forty years, but admitted in his book, “They did get one thing right: I had met her while attending Toni’s funeral.”
He started dating, and eventually moved in with, a woman he felt a connection with. However, he admits he rushed into the relationship. Even if he’d been emotionally ready – which he wasn’t – he hadn’t been in a relationship since he was 18, and that should have signaled him to proceed with caution. Instead, he did the opposite.
Joan Vassos, who was set to be the Golden Bachelorette, decided to leave the show because her daughter was having a difficult time after giving birth. Although Gerry understood her decision, he was deeply disappointed. He confessed, “I was really hoping she could be the one for me, and it was very upsetting when she left.”
Several months after their breakup, she sent him a copy of a large-format photography book by Annie Leibovitz – one he’d mentioned he liked when they were together.
Honestly, seeing him there was complicated. A part of him clearly still wanted to be involved, and I could feel that. He wrote about watching her give out roses and said he was genuinely happy she seemed to be doing well. But he also admitted, and it really got to me, that a little piece of his heart stayed with her, and that made him – and me, if I’m being honest – a little sad.
Gerry found it especially difficult to eliminate Ellen Goltzer. Before meeting families, he knew keeping Faith Martin and Leslie Fhima was an easy choice, but deciding between Ellen and the woman he would eventually marry, Theresa Nist, was incredibly hard.
He described both candidates as likeable and optimistic, and didn’t see any immediate concerns with either of them. He thought both would make great partners. Despite being tired and pressed for time, he knew Ellen needed to be let go.
Let’s be honest, sometimes you just know when the spark isn’t there. That’s exactly what happened with Ellen – I realized we simply lacked that romantic chemistry needed to build something lasting. While I wasn’t completely certain about Theresa, I was very sure Ellen wasn’t the right fit for me. It’s all about recognizing those connections – or lack thereof – and being honest with yourself and the other person. It’s a tough decision, but ultimately, it’s about finding someone you truly connect with.
Gerry said he was thrilled to be with Leslie, who would later finish second. However, he sometimes concerned himself that she was living a life that was a bit too wild and fast-paced.
He couldn’t decide between Leslie and Theresa, and started to worry that the fitness instructor’s two previous divorces suggested they had very different ideas about what commitment meant, which could cause problems for them in the future.
Looking back, he realized his previous concerns about Leslie’s lack of devotion weren’t about her commitment issues, but stemmed from his own insecurity, contrasting with Theresa’s strong attachment to her late husband. He now understands it was a matter of his own confidence, not Leslie’s commitment.
He didn’t intend to hurt her feelings, and he regrets telling both Leslie and Faith he loved them while they were back in their hometowns.
He explained that he meant what he said to Leslie and Faith at the time. However, looking back, he realizes that true love requires complete and total dedication to one person. He felt he hadn’t given that to either of them, and that regret still weighs on him.
After host Jesse Palmer invited them to spend a private night in the fantasy suites, Gerry realized how strongly he felt about Theresa. They talked about their future together, including her plans to retire, and Gerry realized he’d found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, saying he ‘couldn’t live without’ her.
But his decision to offer the final rose to the New Jersey resident was certainly a thorny one.
In his memoir, he explained that while Theresa initially seemed like the sensible choice, Leslie quickly became a strong possibility. He found himself torn between the two, endlessly weighing his options. He described it as a conflict between what felt comfortable and secure, and what promised excitement, even if it meant taking a risk.
Gerry and Theresa celebrated their engagement in Costa Rica with a delicious meal delivered to their room. The food reminded Gerry that Theresa possessed all the qualities he desired in a partner – she was cheerful, thoughtful, and kind.
Once they were apart, though, they found it hard to connect. He admitted their nightly conversations felt strained. He noticed she spoke in the same way no matter what the topic – whether discussing work issues or something as simple as getting breakfast.
Their secret trip to New York City didn’t immediately spark romance. Gerry quickly discovered Theresa was very health-conscious, sticking to a diet with no sugar, which wasn’t really Gerry’s preference when she handled the grocery shopping for their getaway.
He explained that fish and salad were almost all she ate. When he asked about getting groceries to give him energy, she told him, ‘I don’t eat things like that.’
Gerry readily admits he wasn’t familiar with the Kardashians. After the show, he was invited to dinner at Kris Jenner’s house, but wasn’t worried at all. “I didn’t know much about them,” he explained. In fact, he was so unaware that he jokingly suggested to the driver that the Kardashians might be benefiting from their success. The driver, understandably, was shocked.
Throughout the night, he spoke with Kendall Jenner’s boyfriend, Bad Bunny, and even had a conversation with Kris about hearing aids. However, he denied Kendall’s accusation that he was flirting with her mother, stating, “That’s not true. I was just quickly caught up in her lively personality.”
Okay, so everyone says every relationship has its issues, but Gerry and Theresa’s? It was just constant drama. The biggest thing for me, and Gerry felt it too, was when Theresa told him in the fantasy suite she was ready to retire, and then completely flipped and asked for another year to save for retirement! Gerry was so hurt – he actually wrote that he felt resentful because she hadn’t been honest about her finances on the show. It made him question everything she’d said, and honestly, it just broke my heart for him. It made me wonder what else she hadn’t been truthful about, you know? It was just…a lot.
He became annoyed by her daily $12 smoothies and her lack of cooking, explaining that she ate out or got takeout for most dinners – at least four or five nights a week.
He didn’t feel settled in New Jersey, and she disliked the rural lifestyle of Indiana – she told Gerry she couldn’t imagine living somewhere so isolated. They’d planned to move to South Carolina together, but he said she turned down every house he found in the $800,000 to $1.25 million price range, instead wanting properties costing over $4 million.
On the November 4th, 2025 episode of the Dear Shandy podcast, Theresa said she wasn’t impressed with any of the houses he’d chosen, but she disagreed with his assertion that she’d tried to exceed their budget.
Even though Gerry started having doubts about Theresa as their wedding neared (“As it got closer and closer to our wedding date, my doubts about Theresa grew”), they went ahead with the ceremony and exchanged vows on television in January 2024.
Gerry, having previously helped couples navigate divorce mediation, strongly believed a prenuptial agreement was essential. He sent the paperwork to Theresa via overnight delivery, but grew anxious as she didn’t return it. On the Dear Shandy podcast, Theresa explained the delay was simply because she wasn’t sure which pages needed to be signed, and emphasized, “I told him, I would never take his money.”
While waiting for her signature, Gerry started to fear she was deliberately delaying things, as he wrote in his book. Although she eventually signed the papers, the stress gave him serious doubts about whether they were rushing into marriage and if they should have taken more time to get to know each other first.
He knew he couldn’t stop the wedding, especially without embarrassing himself or Theresa. His only option was to accept it, stay silent, and try to make the marriage work, as he genuinely wanted to be fully committed to their happiness.
Gerry’s feet were still cold when he talked to Faith, the woman who received his first impression rose, at the rehearsal dinner.
I told her everything, really opened up,” he explained. “I said, ‘This wedding is a mistake. I wish I could stop it, but I feel stuck – like I have no choice.’ Faith then pointed at my chest and asked, ‘What are you doing? If you know it’s wrong, why are you still going through with it? That’s not the real you.’
Despite knowing he shouldn’t, he went through with the wedding. He explained that a lifelong habit of trying to please others was too powerful to ignore. He felt obligated to everyone involved – his daughters, Theresa’s family, the wedding guests and staff who had worked so hard – but especially to Theresa, whom he still loved deeply, even though he had concerns about how quickly their relationship was moving.
Though if you ask her, she’d rather have been a jilted bride than a divorcée.
Honestly, it really breaks my heart to hear he was struggling with such feelings of emptiness and being trapped. As someone who advocates for open communication, I truly wish he’d reached out and asked for help, or simply expressed what he was going through. It’s a reminder that sometimes, just talking can make all the difference.
After Gerry and Theresa got married, it became clear she wasn’t interested in continuing a romantic connection, even privately. When Gerry visited her at her home in New Jersey just a week after the wedding, he felt unwelcome and like he didn’t belong.
She asked him to sleep on the sofa because she had a busy day ahead, and the request surprised him. He explained that while he said, “Yeah, no problem,” he was actually confused, wondering why she’d ask that when they were married.
Theresa remembered things differently regarding her first night with Shandy. She said they did share a bed, but she couldn’t sleep because it had been a while since she’d slept next to anyone. She recalled Shandy offering to sleep on the couch, but emphasized she hadn’t asked him to do so.
He ended up staying on the couch for three nights and drove back to Indiana a day sooner than planned. Gerry observed that Theresa seemed like a different person compared to when they were in Costa Rica. While she had been comfortable and even initiated intimacy at the resort, she completely ignored any opportunities for closeness once they were back home.
Gerry and his wife met in Los Angeles after the finale of Joey Graziadei’s season in March 2024 and decided to end their marriage. Both admitted they had rushed into things, Gerry shared, and mutually agreed to separate.
Gerry explained that, unlike their often stressful phone calls during their long-distance relationship, this conversation was the most comfortable they’d ever had. They finally felt able to be completely honest with each other, having overcome their final obstacle.
Even though Gerry’s daughters understood his reasons for getting a divorce, he still found it difficult. He admitted he felt like he’d let people down, realizing he hadn’t understood others as well as he believed. He regretted rushing into a marriage he wasn’t fully committed to, and he kept replaying his mistakes, feeling like a failure. He described being in a very low and unhappy state.
Looking at news reports about their breakup only made Gerry feel worse. He explained that while he chose not to publicly respond to the claims, he wished Theresa had clarified a few things. He felt she could have easily said he was financially secure and that they had separated on good terms, as a mutual decision.
He described hitting rock bottom, saying he didn’t even want to get out of bed. One night, overwhelmed by everything, he briefly considered suicide. But the thought of his daughters, Jenny and Angie, stopped him. He realized he could never put them through that pain. He explained that he didn’t actually want to end his life, but rather to escape his overwhelming feelings. He was used to pushing through difficult times, believing the pain would eventually subside, but this felt different – like it would never end.
Just two weeks after filing for divorce, Gerry called his wife to talk. He hadn’t been diagnosed with cancer yet – it was a slow-growing type affecting his bone marrow called Waldenström’s macroglobulinemia – but he wanted to update her on what he was going through.
He said he couldn’t recall what she said, noting that Theresa was very quiet during their phone call. He did remember, however, that she never followed up to check on him or find out what was happening.
He shared that his former co-stars, Susan Noles and Kathy Swarts, stay in touch frequently. However, he and Theresa have completely stopped speaking, stating, “We have no reason to communicate anymore.”
Theresa mentioned she had experience caring for someone with serious health issues, as her late husband was partially paralyzed after a stroke. In a post on Dear Shandy, she expressed her hurt at the suggestion that she wouldn’t care for him, stating, “That anybody thinks that I wouldn’t care for my husband who got sick, that’s not me.”
Gerry was left questioning if Theresa joined The Golden Bachelor for genuine reasons. He shared that the support of the women on the show was actually more helpful in overcoming a difficult time than anything else. He explained that many of them understood what happened at the mansion and felt similarly betrayed, and they expressed that feeling strongly.
Something that really made him question Theresa’s intentions was the claim that she was spotted at the mansion with a copy of the book How to Win The Bachelor – suggesting she wasn’t there to simply make friends.
You know, as someone who follows the dating scene closely, seeing Theresa huddled on the couch, clearly strategizing to get a rose, really bothered me. It wasn’t about finding a genuine connection for her, it seemed – it was all about winning the competition. It just felt…off, you know? Like the focus had completely shifted away from finding love.
Really, said Theresa, her reading habits were born from pure curiosity.
I signed up for a free trial of Audible before going on the show, and I was surprised to find a book called How to Win The Bachelor, she explained on the Dear Shandy podcast. It was funny to think someone actually wrote a guide on winning the show!
She began listening to the audiobook, but her free trial ran out after just one chapter. She added that it hadn’t crossed her mind at the show and didn’t influence her decision to attend at all.
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2025-11-05 02:49