Goldman Sachs Predicts 11% Returns in 2026: Crypto’s Reaction? 🤔💸

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Goldman Sachs, the wizards of Wall Street, have peered into their crystal ball and declared that global equities will rise like a phoenix in 2026, with a projected 11% return. 🌟✨ Yes, you heard that right-dividends included, darling! Apparently, earnings growth and economic expansion are the new black, and everyone’s invited to the party.

But here’s the million-dollar question (or should I say, the Bitcoin-sized question?): Will crypto dance to the same tune as equities, or will it do its own rebellious tango? 💃🕺 Only time will tell, but grab your popcorn-this is going to be chef’s kiss entertaining.

Goldman Sachs’ 2026 Forecast: Equities on a Joyride 🚀

According to Goldman’s report, the global economy is set to expand across all regions next year, with a 2.8% GDP growth. 🌍💼 The US Federal Reserve is also expected to sprinkle a little policy easing magic, making the macroeconomic backdrop as cozy as a weighted blanket.

Peter Oppenheimer, Goldman’s chief global equity strategist (fancy title, much?), reckons a major equity downturn is as likely as me turning down a free cocktail. 🍸 “Unless there’s a recession, we’re golden,” he basically said, but with more charts and fewer emojis.

“Returns in 2026? Oh, they’ll be driven by profit growth, not just rising valuations. Our analysts say equity prices will climb 9%, and with dividends, we’re looking at an 11% return. Mostly earnings-driven, because, you know, capitalism.” Oppenheimer quipped, probably while sipping a latte.

But don’t get too excited-Goldman also warned that 2026 won’t be a repeat of 2025’s wild ride. Think of it as the sequel that’s good but not quite as thrilling as the original. 🎬

“Stocks had a blast in 2025, but it wasn’t all smooth sailing. The S&P 500 took a 20% nosedive between February and April before bouncing back. Now, valuations are sky-high everywhere-US, Japan, Europe, you name it. So, buckle up for a more measured pace of returns.”

Their targets? S&P 500 at 7,600 (11% return), STOXX 600 at 625 (7% return), TOPIX at 3,600 (4% return), and MSCI Asia Pacific ex-Japan at 825 (12% return). 📈📊

Apparently, we’re in the “optimism phase” of the market cycle, which started with the COVID bear market in 2020. Late-cycle optimism? Sounds like me after two glasses of wine, but with more money at stake. 🍷💸

Oh, and AI stocks? Still hot, but not bubble-level hot. Yet. 🤖🔥

Bitcoin & S&P 500: Friends or Frenemies in 2026? 👯‍♀️💔

While equities are strutting into 2026 like they own the place, crypto is sitting in the corner, sipping its drink and wondering if it’s still cool to correlate with the S&P 500. Bitcoin, the OG crypto, has had a complicated relationship with equities-sometimes BFFs, sometimes strangers on a train.

CryptoQuant data shows BTC’s correlation with the S&P 500 was mostly positive last year, but it went rogue a few times (September, November, December-moody much?). 🤷‍♀️

“In H2 2025, Bitcoin’s correlation with the S&P 500 tanked. It wasn’t just a fling-it was a full-on breakup due to structural changes in the market,” an analyst dramatically declared.

Why? Well, blame it on:

  • Spot Bitcoin ETFs shifting demand from day traders to long-term investors. 📈
  • Leverage risks cooling off like a forgotten cup of tea. 🍵
  • Macro liquidity flirting with commodities and precious metals instead. 💍
  • Short-term traders ghosting the market, leaving only the die-hards. 👻
  • Bitcoin’s price becoming more about supply dynamics than equity sentiment. 📉

As of now, the correlation is negative (-0.02), meaning Bitcoin is doing its own thing. Rebel without a cause? Maybe. But who doesn’t love a good independent streak? 😎

Of course, correlation regimes are about as stable as my coffee intake, so who knows? If equities keep rallying, Bitcoin might just rejoin the party. 🥳 Or not. Stay tuned, folks-this is better than a soap opera. 🍿

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2026-01-13 14:36