CNBC’s own Brady-Bunch finance wizard, Jim Cramer, recently spilled tea about the U.S. Treasury contemplating buying Bitcoin for the Strategic Reserve at an astronomical $60,000 a piece. The claim, ripe with the same dubious flair that a Discworld alchemist would give to a suspiciously glowing mushroom, sparked a volley of mischief from George Noble, a former pupil of the legendary Peter Lynch.
Friday, Bitcoin crashes to $60,000. Down 52% from its October high. Over $1.2 trillion in value…
– George Noble (@gnoble79) February 9, 2026
Noble, armed with Treasury testimony and blockchain analytics, pointed out that the Treasury can’t buy Bitcoin on public funds. In 2025, an executive order distinguished that any Bitcoin the Treasury might hold must come from criminal seizures, much like a wizard acquiring a cursed relic from an odd merchant shop. Arkham Analytics reports government wallets keep 328,000 BTC as still as a statue, refusing all but the most austere of touches.
“Zero on‑chain evidence. Zero official confirmation. Zero legal authority,” Noble mused, urging investors to skip the monetised gossip corners and ask for receipts that aren’t made in puppy‑such a “look and feel.” In a plot twist, while Bitcoin took a dip as dramatic as a bard losing his voice, gold, the old stalwart, shot up to $5,020 per ounce, reminding everyone that sometimes stability is hiding in plain sight while other currency feels something like an itchy rash.
Noble wrapped his rant with the old Lynch maxim, “When someone tells you to buy during a panic, ask what they own. If they can’t show you receipts, they’re showing you the exit.” That, dear reader, is the lesson the wise from the Discworld (and not just the Disc itself) would say: if the news anchor’s voice sounds like a brass band on a tightrope, tiptoe out of the market.
This exchange serves as a stern reminder that the ever‑resourceful “crypto” narrative can be as slippery as a Grell’s slick skin, and that the figures at the helm of finance are not always as enlightened as a wizard who thinks he’s actually a council adviser.
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2026-02-11 00:24