Ah, JPMorgan Chase & Co. (a.k.a. The Bank That Ate Wall Street, NYSE: JPM) — weighing in with a rather demure $4 trillion in assets under management (just a few couch cushions’ worth). Suddenly, our buttoned-up financial monolith is flirting with crypto like it’s 2017 and they’ve only just discovered FOMO. This week? Trademark filings for something called “JPMD” plopped onto the desk at the USPTO. You can practically hear the blockchain maximalists bickering over whose “I told you so” was louder.
Should you expect midnight algorithms and suits mumbling “hodl” soon? Maybe. According to the paperwork, JPMD isn’t just a snazzy new acronym for your group chats: it’s meant for trading, exchange, transfer, payment — basically a one-size-fits-all digital asset Swiss Army knife. Love how they spent years calling Bitcoin “rat poison,” and now they’re the ones cheesing for the camera at the stablecoin buffet. 🍴
Coinpedia threw in that customers can now buy Bitcoin through plain-old spot BTC ETFs, like it’s a Starbucks order. Yes, your large vanilla latte and one Bitcoin to go, please.
JPMorgan: Well, That Was Then
Apparently, stablecoins are about to pop off like prosecco at a crypto influencer brunch — all thanks to regulations finally arriving in the U.S. (Nobody panic. Congress is on it. Sort of.) This Tuesday, the Senate gets to pretend to know what digital assets actually are as they vote on the GENIUS Act. Name checks out, right? Genius.
Clearly sensing an open bar, institutional investors are piling in. Meanwhile, other “totally original” banks — Bank of America, Wells Fargo, insert-your-dad’s-bank-here — are all eyeing their own stablecoins, desperate not to look like they’re missing the school disco.
As for the rest of the crypto market, stablecoins are its bread, butter, and existential crisis. With every headline about the global money supply hiking up (and let’s not even mention the Middle East because that’s just too real), institutions are clutching stablecoins like a favourite emotional support animal. Naturally, the altcoin crowd is watching wide-eyed, ready for another rally (or a breakdown, who knows at this point). 🪙💸
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2025-06-17 04:07