Breaking News: Justin Sun, Founder of Tron and Part-Time Space Cowboy, successfully returned from Blue Origin’s NS-34 mission on Saturday – proving that money really can buy happiness… and zero-gravity bragging rights! 🤯
Five lucky (and presumably wealthy) crew members joined our crypto astronaut on this joyride to the cosmos. Sun secured his seat the old-fashioned way – by throwing $28 million at the problem like a billionaire playing a high-stakes game of Whack-a-Mole. 💰
Earth is Tiny, Egos Remain Planetary-Sized
The ten-minute journey made passengers weightless for four whole minutes – slightly longer than the average crypto bull market these days! ☄️ Sun officially became the youngest Chinese astronaut in history, narrowly beating out a 9-year-old with a weather balloon and too much free time.
“Earth is so small, and it’s our home,” Sun gasped upon return, before remembering he owns three houses larger than the planet appeared from space. Meanwhile, scientists confirmed what we all suspected – viewing Earth from space gives you instant philosopher credentials and 50 new LinkedIn post ideas. 🎭
Thank you @BlueOrigin – next stop: moon lambos! 🚀🌕
— H.E. Justin Sun (@justinsuntron) August 3, 2025
Experts confirm Sun experienced the “Overview Effect” – that magical moment when rich people look down on Earth literally instead of figuratively. 🌍 Blue Origin’s space program has now transported 70 people to space – or roughly the number of passengers on a delayed Spirit Airlines flight.
Sun’s space tourism adventure adds “astronaut” to his resume between “blockchain guru” and “person who definitely doesn’t check Bitcoin prices mid-spaceflight.” TRON now serves 320 million users – approximately the number of people pretending they understand blockchain technology at dinner parties. 🤹
The journey was “for the children,” as Sun donated his $28 million bid to STEM education – approximately 0.0001% of what he’ll make selling “I Went to Space” NFTs next week. 🧑🚀
While Wang flew SpaceX earlier this year, Sun boldly went where no crypto bro had gone before… on this particular overpriced carnival ride. The space race is heating up – next stop: Martian decentralized exchanges! 🪐
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2025-08-04 05:23