London’s Cryptic Cash Caper: ATMs Snatched, Suspects Bewildered! 🤑🕵️♂️

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  • UK Police raid southwest London, seize seven crypto ATMs, arrest two suspects.
  • FCA warns illegal crypto ATMs help criminals launder money and defraud citizens.
  • Detective says crypto misuse rising, police determined to protect Londoners daily.

In a grand spectacle of bureaucratic bravado, the UK authorities executed a raid so dramatic it could rival a Shakespearean farce. Seven crypto ATMs—those modern-day contraptions promising instant wealth—were seized in southwest London, alongside two suspects who likely thought they were starring in a crypto-themed heist movie. The Metropolitan Police and FCA, armed with permits and a sense of righteous indignation, stormed the scene on a Thursday, as if the day itself had a curfew for illicit transactions. 🕵️♂️💰

London Police Question Two Suspects After Seizing Unregistered ATMs

Officers scoured four premises in southwest London, their mission clear: to confiscate the seven crypto ATMs, which were allegedly aiding crooks in laundering cash and conducting unauthorized altcoin exchanges. These devices, one suspects, were operating under the illusion that they could outsmart the law while sipping artisanal coffee and muttering about decentralization. 🎩☕

Operating crypto ATMs in the UK without an FCA license is as illegal as claiming to be a wizard in a bureaucratic meeting. Since 2021, crypto firms have been required to register with the FCA and follow anti-money laundering rules with the enthusiasm of a sleep-deprived bureaucrat. Yet here we are, with no legal crypto ATMs in the UK, because nothing says “trust us” like a machine that can’t even get a permit. 🚫📄

Detective Inspector Geoff Donoghue of the Met’s Cryptocurrency Team, a man whose name sounds like it was lifted from a 19th-century melodrama, declared war on unregistered ATMs. “These machines,” he proclaimed, “are the lifeblood of fraudsters, helping them vanish cash like it’s a disappearing act at a magic show.” One wonders if he’ll next outlaw invisible pockets. 🤹♂️💸

As for the two suspects, they were questioned and released, their fates left hanging like a plot twist in a poorly written novel. Their identities remain a mystery, perhaps because they’ve mastered the art of vanishing faster than a Bitcoin transaction on a slow network. 🕳️💸

FCA Urges Public to Report Suspicious Crypto ATMs

This isn’t the first time the UK has cracked down on crypto chaos. In March 2025, a man named Olumide Osunkoya received four years for running unlicensed ATMs—a sentence so poetic it could be a moral fable. The FCA, ever the vigilant guardian of public funds, warns that these machines are hotbeds for scams, with criminals posing as police or utility companies to defraud the elderly. Because nothing says “trust” like pretending to be a government agent while demanding cryptocurrency. 🚨👴

The FCA implores citizens to report suspicious ATMs, as if the public isn’t already too busy dodging phishing emails and rogue NFT sellers. They also advise against using unregistered machines, a recommendation as practical as telling people not to stare at the sun. 🌞🔍

In the end, the confiscated ATMs will remain in custody, their fates sealed like a blockchain transaction. The message is clear: break crypto laws, and you’ll join the ranks of history’s most bewildered criminals. Meanwhile, the FCA and police promise to escalate their efforts, because nothing says “progress” like arresting people for the future. 🚀👮♀️

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2025-07-22 18:28