Meta Plots Comeback: Is Zuckerberg Bringing Crypto to Instagram (Again)? 😏

Somewhere, out there in Menlo Park, the folks at Meta are chewing the fat with crypto companies. Yep, Fortune says they’re plotting to pay creators—y’know, the lot who make us laugh, cringe, and lose sleep endlessly scrolling Instagram—using the magic beans of stablecoins. Maybe this time, your TikToks about sourdough starters will finance your rent, not just your crippling coffee addiction. 🥖☕

Funny thing: it’s only been three years since Meta’s last attempt to lasso the crypto bull, a little venture called Diem. You remember Diem, right? The one that was supposed to reinvent money but went belly up when regulators swarmed like ants on a dropped picnic sandwich. Even with all the heavyweight friends! But time passes. Bruises fade. Tech moguls never really quit—especially not the ones with robot rictus smiles and a taste for barbecue sauce.

Small Potatoes, Big Plans, and Buzzwords

So now the pitch is all about scrimping and saving on fees—those little e-nickels lost to the great void when you wire payments under $100 across borders. The dream? Send a fistful of dollars to your favorite content creator in Bulgaria, lose none of it to the mysterious “processing fee” elves. (Maybe, just maybe, you’ll get a thank-you meme in return.) According to the whispers from deep inside Meta’s war room, these stablecoins might finally squeeze the grease out of international micropayments’ rusty gears. 👀

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Meta’s courting plenty of suitors, swiping right on every stablecoin in town. No rings on fingers or exclusive contracts. Polyamory, but for fintech. How modern!

New Faces, Old Hopes

Want a signal that this isn’t just another fever dream? Enter Ginger Baker, swept up in January to run Product. She’s no stranger to this rodeo: ex-Stellar, ex-Plaid, and probably tired of explaining “blockchain” to her relatives at Thanksgiving. Now she gets to help Meta navigate the minefield of regulations—again—while muttering “it’ll be different this time” like the tech world’s own Sisyphus.

The Ghost of Diem Past

This week, Mark Zuckerberg—onstage doing his best to look human at Stripe’s conference—had a moment of clarity. “Diem is dead,” he shrugged, as if he’d just lost a sneaker in a swamp. “Sometimes first isn’t best,” he added, perhaps thinking of New Coke, Betamax, and every social network ever before Facebook. The crowd probably nodded, some checked Instagram, history repeating itself in real-time.

But make no mistake: Zuck isn’t out. He’s got that glint in his eye that says, “I’ll be back.” Or maybe that’s just the glare from his MacBook screen. Either way, round two is coming. And this time, he’s bringing the stablecoins. 🤔💸

2025-05-09 04:22

Small Potatoes, Big Plans, and Buzzwords

New Faces, Old Hopes

The Ghost of Diem Past

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