Michael Saylor Thinks Bitcoin Is Physics Now, and Honestly, We Can’t Look Away

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Michael Saylor, our favorite Bitcoin hype man and executive chairman of the Strategy Giant (which, I assume, is just a really big office where the walls scream “Buy Bitcoin!”), has blessed his legion of crypto disciples with another galaxy-brain hot take. Because sure, why just be a billionaire when you can also be the guy handing out philosophical fortune cookies?

“Bitcoin is a Newtonian network,” Saylor proclaims

So, Saylor’s latest party trick? Comparing Bitcoin to a “Newtonian network”—yes, Isaac Newton physics. He announced this by posting an AI-generated image of himself wielding an astrolabe, gazing at you the way your cat looks when you’re holding a laser pointer. 🧐

What does “Newtonian network” even mean? In Saylor-land, it’s basically “If Newton had Bitcoin, he’d be so rich he wouldn’t need apples.” The pitch: Bitcoin runs on universal laws—gravity, inertia, and apparently, the irresistible urge to tweet. He’s saying the world’s financial system is about to be hit with the Bitcoin apple, and nobody’s dodging it. Not even you, Janet Yellen. 🍎

Bitcoin is a Newtonian Network.

— Michael Saylor (@saylor) April 30, 2025

Saylor, who posts daily Bitcoin cosplay selfies like he’s running for “Crypto Instagram Model of the Year,” recently cranked it up a notch. He rolled out a pic of himself in full messiah mode—robe, bread, fish, nails it. “Teach a man to Bitcoin,” he tweeted. Translation: give a man fiat, he’ll spend it in a day; teach a man to Bitcoin, next thing you know, he’s arguing with his uncle at Thanksgiving and trying to buy groceries in satoshis. 🥖🐟

At this point, I’m just waiting for Saylor to drop a video where he splits the Red Sea with a hardware wallet. Stay tuned, because with this guy, it’s always quantum. 🕵️‍♂️📈

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2025-04-30 16:29