New Hampshire Buys Bitcoin—Is America’s Treasury Going Crypto-Crazy?! 🤔🤑

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  • Just when you thought you knew New Hampshire—they’re stashing Bitcoin in the treasury. Really.
  • State gives green light for a spicy 5% dabble in digital behemoths. No Dogecoin, sorry.

Somewhere in the shadowy pines, amidst the scent of fresh maple and budget spreadsheets, a bureaucrat cryptically typed on a keyboard. That’s how, dear reader, New Hampshire became the baffling first state in all of the United States to shove Bitcoin into its treasury coffers. On a fateful May 6, 2025—undeterred by any regard for reality—Governor Kelly Ayotte seized her pen (likely gold-plated, mind you) and enacted House Bill 302. Thus, she summoned the Strategic Bitcoin and Digital Asset Reserve into being. The very pillars of state finance trembled! Can you hear the old coin counters muttering?

5%—Because All-In Is for the Bold or the Broke

Don’t panic: they haven’t mortgaged the White Mountains. Under the new law, the treasury gets to invest a titillating five percent of state funds in digital assets—so long as they’re bigger than $500 billion. As it presently stands, only Bitcoin is chunky enough to waltz through that golden gate. Ethereum, consider yourself snubbed.

“New Hampshire returns as the nation’s first state,” Governor Ayotte cried—on social media, no less, proving that even heads of state cannot resist the dopamine drip of notifications. In her own words: “We have just finalized a bill that allows us to invest alongside the likes of gold. Satoshi would weep.” Cunning, no? Gold now shares shelf-space (blockspace?) with Bitcoin, and your frosty treasurer will have a multisig wallet or two to keep things under lock and blockchain.

The bureaucratic ballet will last a full sixty days, as the state’s finest attempt to build “robust legal and technological systems.” This means storage must be thoroughly American, utterly regulated, and preferably unbreachable. Wallets with more keys than a village jailhouse or, for the less adventurous, the cold embrace of trusted custodians or pristine exchange-traded products.

This legislative concoction wasn’t brewed in a vacuum. Satoshi Action, a merry band of Bitcoin evangelists, furnished the template. Dennis Porter, who leads the charge, declared New Hampshire “hasn’t just passed a bill—it’s set the kindling for a nationwide bonfire.” According to Porter, the law blends security, diversification, and public finance wizardry—all with a nice aftertaste of digital gold’s “stability.” Wink, wink.

Meet the Masters of Crypto-Ceremony 🎩🤖

There are always faces behind the farce. Representative Keith Ammon, New Hampshire blockchain’s Don Quixote, jousted legislative windmills in 2022 to introduce the original model bill. Jason Osborne, Grand Old Party musketeer, nudged the bill through the corridors. As for the grassroots, Ian Huyett and his band of Bitcoiners buzzed like hornets. All topped off with Governor Ayotte’s historic signature—sure to prompt envy (and perhaps confusion) among less crypto-minded executives.

Meanwhile, Washington D.C. looks on with envy or indigestion. The Trump Era toyed with the idea of a colossal federal Bitcoin piggy bank… but their plan was to sit atop existing stockpiles rather than boldly purchase more. New Hampshire, with typical Yankee contrarian panache, is not waiting for federal permission. It’s opening its own fiat-to-crypto pipeline.

Supporters of the bill say a Bitcoin stash will protect state funds from inflation, Wall Street melodrama, and the shifting sands of monetary policy. Some whisper—mostly at Bitcoin conferences and on sci-fi podcasts—that other states are primed to follow. Are we witnessing the birth of a digital domino effect, or the opening act of a tragicomic fiscal experiment?

For this brief, bizarre moment, New Hampshire stands alone, its digital coins gleaming in the dark—holding the baton, waiting for the next brave soul to join the cryptocurrency orchestra. The rest, as always, will furrow their brows… and watch.

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2025-05-07 22:26