Rachael Kirkconnell, Matt James Didn’t Have Sex for Years Before Split

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Rachel Kirkconnell isn’t giving her rose to just anyone.

As a lifestyle expert, I’m always fascinated by how relationships impact our lives. Recently, I learned that a former contestant on The Bachelor, who dated Matt James for a few years, has been openly discussing her sex life – or lack thereof. She shared that she hasn’t been intimate with anyone since their breakup earlier this year, but surprisingly, she and Matt hadn’t been physically intimate for quite a while before they decided to go their separate ways. It just goes to show that even seemingly perfect relationships can have hidden struggles.

Rachel shared on the October 16th episode of the Extra Dirty podcast that it’s been a very long time since she last had sex. Speaking with host Hallie Batchelder, she joked she felt like a virgin again, clarifying that the break has been even longer than people might assume.

She emphasized, “It’s been years. Years. It has been so long.”

And because of how long it’s been, she wants to wait for the right person.

She explained that she feels newly cautious about intimacy. After a long time without being intimate, she wants any future experience to be truly special and isn’t interested in casual encounters.

She explained she wants the experience to be meaningful and emotionally resonant, even if it risks causing her pain again.

Rachael and Matt met on a dating show designed to end in marriage, but they ultimately decided not to get engaged. However, after four years together, Rachael feels good about not rushing into things with someone who wasn’t right for her, and she says she gained valuable life lessons from the experience.

In May, Rachael told TopMob News that if she could change anything, it would be to be more assertive and maintain her self-confidence, rather than prioritizing others’ needs over her own.

Although she isn’t actively seeking a relationship with anyone in particular, she’s started to think about what she wants in a future partner.

For me, the perfect person is just someone incredibly kind and respectful. They really lift me up and encourage me to be my best self – almost like they’re helping me do what I should be doing for myself! Basically, I need someone super supportive.

For more of the biggest bombshells from Rachael on their breakup, read on.

During a recent interview on the Call Her Daddy podcast, Rachael Kirkconnell revealed that she and Matt James had talked about getting engaged and starting a family before their unexpected split after four years of dating.

 

She explained that they had started discussing the possibility of getting engaged. A few months prior, he’d suggested she begin looking at rings or saving money for one, which she considered a significant step. It made her realize he was truly ready for marriage – a really positive sign. As their relationship progressed, he became more comfortable talking about it. Initially, she sensed he was hesitant or even scared to bring it up, but over time, the conversations became easier, and she saw that as a very encouraging development.

While in Tokyo, Rachael and Matt had some minor disagreements. Rachael felt stressed about deciding where to eat and finding good locations for Matt’s filming, and those small issues eventually led to larger problems in their relationship, as Rachael described.

 

We started arguing immediately, even while we were out walking. We missed lunch and went back to the hotel, where the disagreement escalated into a larger conversation. We were both a little frustrated with each other. It became a cycle of each of us being annoyed with the other, and we both felt justified in our positions. He finally expressed feelings he’d apparently been holding in for some time, but I’m not sure what it all means.

Rachael said Matt told her he was concerned about certain personality traits she has and whether they’d make her a good wife.

 

She remembered realizing they simply weren’t a good fit for each other. He had come to the conclusion that she should have wanted to propose by that point in their relationship. He felt she should be wanting marriage and be ready for it, but she wasn’t. She admitted she didn’t feel ready, didn’t see a future where she proposed, and couldn’t picture herself married to him.

 

He admitted he wasn’t ready for the next step, suggesting it might happen someday. I responded that after four years together, he should have a better idea of what he wants. I explained that if he still wasn’t sure after that much time, it wasn’t a good sign, and we might not be compatible long-term, since he knows me so well.

The reality TV star found out about the breakup while on a plane leaving Tokyo. Matt had just announced their split on Instagram, and she didn’t have Wi-Fi access for another twelve hours to find out more.

 

I was just about to take off when my phone started buzzing with messages. It was one of my best friends, and she kept texting ‘Rach?’ over and over. I immediately wondered how she knew what was happening. Then she sent another message asking if a post from Matt was actually real. That’s how I found out he’d posted something. The plane took off right after I saw it, and I didn’t have cell service for the next twelve hours.

 

I was completely shocked and overwhelmed to learn that my breakup was suddenly public just hours after it happened. It’s all happening so fast, and I’m still trying to process everything. It feels surreal and I can’t quite believe it’s real.

Rachael said she’s still curious about why Matt posted what he did on social media, but feels it ultimately ended any chance of them resolving their issues.

 

I’ve talked to him since then, and he agrees that wasn’t the right thing to do.

She explained on the Call Her Daddy podcast that she couldn’t continue the relationship after he told her he didn’t see a future with her, specifically mentioning he didn’t think they’d get married. She said his handling of the situation, and a particular post he made, felt disrespectful, and while she forgives him, she doesn’t believe she can be with someone who would treat her that way.

 

She explained that sometimes you have to defend yourself, even when it’s difficult. While a part of her wished they could reconcile and forget everything, she knew that wasn’t possible. Ultimately, she believed standing up for herself and moving forward independently was the right thing to do, no matter how hard it might be.

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2025-10-21 03:47