Revolut Hits $75B Valuation: Is It the Next Big Thing or Just a Fancy Calculator? 🚀💸

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Well, slap my wallet and call me impressed! Revolut, the plucky little fintech upstart, has just strutted its way to a jaw-dropping $75 billion valuation after a fundraising round that would make even the most seasoned venture capitalist blush. 🤑 Apparently, they’re not just here to split bills and exchange currencies-they’re gunning to be the world’s digital bank. Bold move, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off.

In a move that screams “we’re not playing around,” Revolut’s latest round involved a secondary share sale so big it probably needed its own zip code. Investors like Coatue, Greenoaks, and Dragoneer (yes, that’s a real name) led the charge, with heavy hitters like Fidelity and Andreessen Horowitz throwing their hats-and wallets-into the ring. Even NVIDIA’s NVentures got in on the action, because apparently AI and banking go together like avocado and toast. 🥑🍞

Speaking of NVIDIA, their involvement isn’t just a random act of corporate kindness. Revolut and NVIDIA are cozying up for some AI shenanigans, which sounds like the plot of a sci-fi movie where your bank account starts giving you life advice. “Buy more socks, Dave. Your spending habits suggest you’re running low.” 🤖

It’s official – we’ve secured a $75 billion company valuation. 🎉

This (still) makes us Europe’s most valuable private company and in the top 10 of the world’s most valuable private companies. Take that, traditional banks! 🏦✌️

– Revolut (@Revolut) November 24, 2025

Money, Money, Money-It’s a Rich Man’s World 🌍💰

This fundraising fiesta marked the fifth time Revolut employees got to cash in some equity. Early investors also got a taste of liquidity, which is just a fancy way of saying they got paid. Meanwhile, Revolut’s been busy playing global dominos, securing banking licenses in Mexico and Colombia, and prepping for a grand entrance in India. Because why stop at one continent when you can conquer them all?

Their 2024 numbers? Oh, just $4.0 billion in revenue (up 72%) and $1.4 billion in profit before tax (up 149%). Their customer base hit 65 million, and Revolut Business raked in $1 billion. Casual. If this keeps up, their goal of serving 100 million customers in 100 countries might not be as far-fetched as it sounds. Unless, of course, they decide to pivot to selling artisanal sourdough. 🍞

Global Domination: One Bank Account at a Time 🌐🏛️

CEO Nik Storonsky (yes, that’s his real name) is dreaming big, aiming to make Revolut the first truly global bank built in Europe. Because apparently, the world needs another bank like I need another reminder to pay my credit card bill. But hey, if anyone can pull it off, it’s probably the guy who’s already partnered with Binance, Changelly, and Ripple. Crypto, meet your new best friend. 💳🚀

With this fresh valuation and a beefed-up investor base, Revolut’s ready to expand its crypto operations, launch in new markets, and innovate in savings, investments, and financial services. Or, as I like to call it, “financial services with a side of tech bro ambition.” Let’s just hope they don’t forget to update their customer service hotline. 📞😅

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2025-11-24 21:29