Robot in a Suit? Meet the Nasdaq Bell-Ringer That’s Here to Steal Your Job (and Your Heart)

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Well, we did it. We’re investing in robot overlords now. Kraneshares has launched an ETF exclusively for companies that make humanoid robots. No, you’re not dreaming. Yes, your grandma does still think the internet is a fad.

Move Over, Wolf of Wall Street: There’s a New Bell-Ringer in Town 🤖

Meet Unitree G1—a humanoid robot, forged in the glittering labs of China’s Unitree, powered by the open-source daydreams of software outfit Openmind. This metallic beanpole waltzed right up and rang the opening bell at Nasdaq, because clearly not even the global stock market is safe from robots’ LinkedIn hustle.

(Because nothing says ‘healthy capitalism’ like a robot in front of a bell. / Unitree)

A decade ago, we worried about robots taking our jobs. Now, they’re not only launching ETFs—soon they’ll be running the school bake sale. The G1 will be shipped to STEM classrooms, apparently so kids can work on machine learning, robotics, and—let’s face it—honing their survival skills.

“Robots are collaborators… the age of intelligent machines is here,” said Jan Liphardt, Openmind’s CEO, presumably from the comfort of a chair that vibrates anxiously. There’s even a post on X heralding the dawn of our new metallic companions. If you listen closely, you can hear human teachers everywhere sighing into their coffee.

Here’s the best bit: the G1 robot could be yours for just $16,000—or $27,000, depending on which website you trust and how much you enjoy a healthy dose of late-capitalist mystery pricing. Unitree’s site says to contact them ‘for the real price,’ which bodes well for transparency, obviously. At this rate, Black Mirror is going to start looking like a cooking show.

Bottom line? Blink and you’ll miss it—humanoid robots aren’t coming. They’re here, ringing bells, smiling for cameras, inflating your tech stocks, and totally not plotting world domination. Yet. 😏

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2025-06-26 11:13