So, Satoshi Nakamoto-wherever you are, please call me (my number is 555-BITCOIN)-lost $41 billion because Bitcoin took a nosedive. Classic.
Imagine holding 1.1 million Bitcoin, watching it go from $138 billion to $96 billion. That’s like losing your kid’s college fund, your house, and your dignity all at once. Now you’re not even in the top 20 richest people. Bill Gates is laughing so hard he’s spilling his Windows 95 keychain coffee.
BTC Price Crashed, But What Happened to Satoshi’s Bitcoin Stash
Arkham Intelligence, a company that probably thinks blockchain analytics is just a fancy way to say “we’re guessing,” tracked these coins using the “Patoshi Pattern.” Sounds like a secret club for crypto nerds. Found by Sergio Lerner? More like lost by Sergio Lerner. These coins haven’t moved in a decade-probably because they’re cursed.
On October 6, 2025, Bitcoin hit $126,296. Satoshi’s stash was worth $138.92 billion. Then, poof! It dropped 30% to $87,390. You know how it is when you buy something and it plummets in value? Multiply that by 43 billion. Ow.
Now, Satoshi’s fortune is $96.129 billion. That’s $42.79 billion gone-like throwing a luxury yacht into the sun. If Forbes counted him, he’d be below Bill Gates. Good luck explaining that to your friends at the “I’m Rich and You’re Not” support group.
But here’s the kicker: Forbes won’t list him because they can’t confirm if he’s a person, a dog, or a collective of raccoons. Classic. Meanwhile, the coins are just sitting there, doing nothing, like a time bomb of regret.
“We don’t include Satoshi because we haven’t verified he’s alive,” Forbes said. Newsflash: He hasn’t moved his coins in 15 years. That’s not alive, that’s dead.
Some experts say, “Hey, maybe we should count these wallets!” Yeah, maybe. But what if the owner is a ghost? Or a time traveler? Or a guy who forgot his password and now lives in a bunker?
Quantum Threats and Satoshi’s Secret
Quantum computing is coming! Will it break Bitcoin’s encryption? Probably not. But hey, let’s panic anyway. If it does, Satoshi’s coins might need to move. Which means he’ll have to surface. Good luck with that, buddy. You’ve got 15 years of silence to explain.
Important not to scaremonger here about quantum timelines.
Running Shor’s algorithm is not the same thing as breaking an actual 256-bit ECC key. You can use Shor’s algorithm to factor a number-that will be impressive-but will take a huge degree of scaling and engineering to…
– Haseeb ＞|＜ (@hosseeb) November 18, 2025
There’s even a movie coming: “Killing Satoshi.” Sounds like a bad Lifetime movie. But hey, at least it’s not “Bitcoin: The Musical.”
Until these coins move or get lost forever, Satoshi’s story is the ultimate crypto mystery. And if Bitcoin hits $370k? He’ll be richer than God. But right now? He’s just a ghost in the machine, sipping lukewarm coffee and waiting for the universe to make sense.
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2025-11-24 01:17