Senate’s Crypto Chaos: Will Politicians Get Rich (Again)?!

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BREAKING: The US Senate, in a dazzling display of productivity (and/or panic over not understanding what a stablecoin is), may soon pass the so-called GENIUS Act. For those not fluent in Capitol Hill Acronymese, that’s the Guiding and Establishing National Innovation for US Stablecoins Act—which is basically a fancy name for, “Let’s Finally Pretend We’re In Charge of Crypto.” If all goes “well” it’ll be lobbed over to the House, where amendments can be as wild and unpredictable as a meme coin in a bear market.

Bipartisan Buddy-Buddy Fest for Stablecoin Laws

As per the oracles at Fortune, eighteen Democrats have clasped hands with Republicans in a massive ‘Kumbaya’ moment to push the GENIUS Act through the gate with a tight 53-47 margin. If you’re keeping score, that’s only five more votes than the number of senators secretly googling “what even is a stablecoin (quickly, before C-SPAN cuts to me).”

Incredible, right? That makes it the second teamwork-y legislation to squeak through this year (in case you missed the Laken Riley Act, which mostly appeared to be about who could look stricter on TV about immigration).

Senator Angela Alsobrooks, Maryland Democrat and future Olympic-level fence-sitter, said, “We weren’t able to include everything we wanted, but hey, nobody stormed out yet!” She reminded everyone this whole area has been “unregulated.” Translation: “Nobody even knew if we could tax this stuff three years ago.”

One eyebrow-raising clause: Congress members, their spouses, and trust-fund offspring can’t ride the stablecoin gravy train anymore. But in a glorious twist, presidents and their families get a free pass to YOLO into memecoins, because checks and balances are just a vibe, right?

Guess who’s rubbing his hands in glee? President Donald Trump, who’s holding secret crypto dinners at his golf club and now owns a big chunk of World Liberty Financial (WLFI), which recently rolled out its own stablecoin, USD1. No word if the stablecoin comes with a little red cap emoji. 🧢

‘Super Highway For Corruption’ (Now Accepting Tolls in Crypto)

Crypto bros everywhere are throwing confetti, but the party’s not without its drama. Tim Scott, who chairs the Senate Banking Committee and enjoys dramatic soundbites, declared, “GENIUS Act will be the most significant digital assets law EVER!”—all caps implied, probably.

But wait! Plot twist: a cluster of Senate Democrats ghosted the bill earlier this month, which meant more backroom wrangling and stern frowns exchanged in the halls of power. (Possibly over wine. Or really strong coffee.)

The big neon-lit issue? Presidential conflicts of interest. Democratic senators, led by Elizabeth Warren (America’s reigning crypto skeptic and champion of buzzkills everywhere), warn the bill could create a “super highway” for corruption, starring—you guessed it—Trump. 🛣️💸

Warren is also worried about tech companies like Amazon and Meta making their own stablecoins. Because why not add “literal private fortune printing presses” to the list of things Silicon Valley wants to disrupt?

Even if the Senate clears this legislative maze, the House could turn everything inside out by stapling on other financial laws, like grandma gluing sequins to an ’80s sweater—end result: nobody knows what it is, but it sure is… something.

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2025-06-18 13:52