Shady Quantum Heists? Bitcoins Stolen From Dead Wallets?! 🤯

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So, here’s the tea: Josh Mandell, a former Wall Street bigshot turned Bitcoin prophet (or mad hatter? Jury’s out), dropped a bombshell over on X. Apparently, some ancient, dusty Bitcoin wallets-basically digital crypts-are being robbed. Yep, thieves with tech so shiny it’s basically sci-fi are scooping up coins from wallets long abandoned, aka “deceased” ones. Spooky or just plain cheeky?

Mandell, fresh off guessing Bitcoin’s price like Nostradamus, claims there’s a secret “large player” out there rummaging through these cyber coffers without flashing a single trade on the market. Sleight of hand with zero spotlight? Sounds like the plot of a crypto thriller, but hey, who doesn’t love a good conspiracy?

This ex-Salomon Brothers and Caxton Associates trader reckons the only thing stopping this sneaky operation is on-chain analysis-the blockchain’s nosy neighbor, able to spot shady moves like a digital Sherlock.

“Zero chance”

Of course, this wild yarn didn’t just slide down the community’s throats. The Bitcoin crowd threw a full-on roast session. Harry Beckwith, head honcho at Hot Pixel Group, basically said, “Nope, not happening,” with a side of side-eye. Matthew Pines, the big cheese at Bitcoin Policy Institute, called it flat-out “false.”

And because nothing says internet like roasting your elders, one cheeky commentator quipped, “That’s enough computer time for you today, grandpa.” Oof. 🔥

Future threat

Look, breaking Bitcoin’s cryptography isn’t like picking a lock with a bent paperclip. It means having millions of stable, error-free qubits humming along perfectly-a quantum orchestra tuning up for world domination. Sure, Microsoft’s Majorana 1 chip and Google’s Willow have made quantum leaps, but it’s like having a Ferrari that still can’t outrun a rusty bike. Not quite apocalypse-level yet.

Some brainy types warn that in about 20 years, quantum computers might be powerful enough to pull off the heist of the century against Bitcoin. Jameson Lopp, a cypherpunk legend, even suggested torching those quantum-vulnerable Bitcoins before things get ugly.

He warns that if quantum-powered hacks go live, we could see the cryptocurrency’s price do a nosedive that even your worst hangover couldn’t explain. 🍹💥

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2025-09-08 08:39