Stablecoin Rebels: Banks vs. Crypto in a Sausage-Flavored Showdown! 🐍💸

by

The Blockchain Association, a gang of crypto misfits with a penchant for scribbling letters, recently tossed a banana peel at the US Senate Committee on Banking. Over 125 crypto companies signed along, shouting, “Nope!” to a ban on rewarding stablecoin holders. It’s like telling a chocolate factory they can’t sell chocolate anymore-just… chef’s kiss.

Expanding the stablecoin yield ban to third-party providers? The letter called it “squeezing a watermelon with a penguin’s hug.” Innovation, they claimed, would suffocate, and market concentration would bloom like a dandelion in a hurricane. “It’s not rocket science-it’s more like rocket money,” one insider muttered.

The letter cheekily compared crypto rewards to those of banks and credit cards. Because nothing says “fair play” like letting banks hoard all the shiny coins while crypto platforms get the short end of the stick. 🃏💸

“Prohibiting crypto rewards is like telling kids they can’t trade jellybeans for gum,” the Blockchain Association declared. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“If stablecoins can’t compete with other payment methods, their potential will vanish faster than a snowman in a sauna. Rewards? They’re the glue of competitive markets. Without them, we’re all just playing monopoly with broken dice.”

The Blockchain Association has been busy scribbling letters like a caffeinated squirrel, arguing that rewards help consumers outsmart inflation. “It’s not greed-it’s survival,” one memo read. “Or at least, it’s better than buying a loaf of bread for $1,000.”

FDIC Paves the Way for Banks to Issue Stablecoins, Industry Group Says Stables Aren’t a Threat

The FDIC, that stern-faced regulator with a clipboard and a grumpy cat, proposed letting banks issue stablecoins through subsidiaries. Both the bank and its stablecoin sidekick would be subject to rules and assessments. “It’s like having a twin brother you never asked for,” one analyst quipped.

The Blockchain Association laughed off claims that stablecoin rewards threaten banks. “Evidence? There’s less evidence than a detective in a library fire,” they scoffed. “Bank lending isn’t constrained by deposits-it’s constrained by bankers’ inability to spell ‘innovation.’”

Still, banks are lobbying like they’re selling timeshares in a desert. “They’re scared crypto will nibble away at their market share,” the Blockchain Association sneered. “But let’s face it-banks are the real slowpokes in this race. They still use fax machines!”

Read More

2025-12-20 01:47