Strategy Booted From S&P 500-Secret Committee Chucks Bitcoin Darling

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Strategy (MSTR), the self-proclaimed grand poobah of corporate Bitcoin gobbling, has just experienced the kind of snub that could make a spreadsheet cry 😢. Despite ardently waving its crypto credentials and counting its market cap with both hands and one foot, MSTR did not earn a spot in the hallowed S&P 500 index-a club so exclusive, they probably serve tea with a minimum required market liquidity.

Shares of MSTR promptly forgot how to go north and stumbled over 2% in the after-hours trading, presumably tripping over their own blockchain. Bitcoin, meanwhile, is busy impersonating an indecisive goldfish, now exchanging virtual paws at $110,832-a 0.5% tumble, according to CoinGecko (which, for all we know, employs actual geckos for data accuracy 🦎).

Strategy, like the persistent pigeon outside your window, showed up with every required box checked-market cap, liquidity, public float, existential angst-but still found the door firmly shut. Maybe the committee mistook Bitcoin for a particularly energetic hamster?

Bloomberg’s Eric Balchunas explained with the candor of someone who’s seen too many secret handshakes: The S&P 500 selection is performed by a clandestine cabal more cryptic than a Bitcoin wallet seed phrase, open only to whisperers and people who can say “qualitative factors” without blinking. Their criteria are so subjective, they make the worst office coffee taste fair. And the members? About as public as a vampire’s sunbathing schedule.

Why wasn’t $MSTR allowed into the S&P 500 Index despite meeting all the criteria? Because the ‘Committee’ said no. You have to realize SPX is essentially an active fund run by a secret committee. We intv’d the dude who used to run this committee on Trillions. Check it out.

– Eric Balchunas (@EricBalchunas) September 5, 2025

Robinhood Gets to Play With the Big Kids 🎉

In the grand lottery of acceptance, Robinhood-the brokerage beloved by cryptocurrency enthusiasts with a penchant for drama-has been handed a golden ticket. They’ll be donning the S&P 500 jersey, joining forces with mobile wizardry purveyor AppLoving and facilities construction sorcerer Emcon Group. Sounds like the beginning of an oddly-themed heist movie.

As for Caesars Entertainment (betting on roulette rather than committee moods), MarketAxess Holdings (whose technology is now officially too fancy), and Enphase Energy (solar panels depowered)-they’ve been gently escorted out of the index. The S&P 500’s velvet rope strikes again. 🏰🚪

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2025-09-06 00:50