The Great Crypto Freeze of November 2025: Are We All NFT’ered Out? 🤔❄️

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Attention, all living beings! 🚀 The latest on-chain inside information, courtesy of the spacefaring Presto Research’s intrepid data wizards, reveals that November 2025 was a nipply month for the otherwise bustling crypto galaxy. From active users to total value locked (oh, the glory of TVL!), protocol fees to decentralized exchange (DEX) volumes, everything took a sheltering leap into a cryogenic stasis chamber. Only the drones were forgotten.

This unexpected cooldown popped up during a time already whirling with market gyrations, supplying further evidence-like a lexicological minting machine-that the general populace has been opting for a more Scrooge-like approach, these days. Oh, and did you hear? While everyone else evacuates the crypto landscape, institutions are throwing bouquets at Bitcoin like it’s the long-lost Urth McDonald’s cow 🐄🎂.

A Stitch in Time… or Was It…

Presto Research, famous for its abstract insights and floppy disk release parties, reports that for seven months straight, blockchain cliques-Tron, BNB Chain, and Solana-have serenaded the active users’ charts. A Miranda now here, a Trinity there…

Price pressure, that old space-time nemesis, slashed through the space-scarcely network and protocol TVL like a particularly aggressive laser scalpel. Bera Chain slid into the galactic junk drawer, losing more than half its TVL. Meanwhile, the DeFi platforms, beloved by the occasional daring adventurer, saw their TVL values shrink alongside user activity and token prices. Sui and Sonic slipped by over 40%; Avalanche cooled by a near 30% dip. The charts looked like the floor of a room after everyone’s left for a Party in the Sky night out.

But lo! Not all metrics captured the divine despair. The Ethereum bandwagon bucked the trend, gaining stablecoin balances by more than $1.5 billion. Bridge-captain Ethereum led in bridged capital, hauling in over $200 million. Well, if that’s not a damp towel in a universe of tanning oils, I don’t know what is.

Despite these fleeting resplendences, the fee-generating networks like Solana, Ethereum, and Base experienced the month’s fee-shrinking trifecta. Uniswap, renowned for DEX volumes that could float an ocean liner, plummeted by over $500 million, while Curve skidded along for nearly $300 million’s worth of descent. Truly, a time for celebratory stagnation.

Now here’s a plot twist! Bitcoin briefly shadow-slipped below $84,000 before bouncing back to $92,000. Quite the yo-yo trick. Some analysts have linked Bitcoin’s upswing to a tidal wave of futures buying spurned by Vanguard’s batshit outrage at spot crypto ETFs being seen as the new social event on the galactic scene. A flurry of the strongest buy-side futures activity since the early days of time travel-early 2023, they say.

The Paradox of Macro Strength and Institutional Awesomeness

As the year waltzed into early December amid stock market tango and a gold-rush escalator, crypto markets pulled a vanishing act, heralded by light inflows. Arca’s intrepid CIO, Jeff Dorman, described the handwave of a sell-off as “one of the strangest crypto jigsaraever,” untainted by any interest rate or stablecoin drudgeries. It seemed crypto’s native traders were perplexingly depleted while fresh capital appeared as slow as Earth’s orbit. Cue the dashboard confetti.

This peculiar mural might hint at November’s on-chain nemesis. With institutions plunging into the crypto circus, especially the newly ETF-accessible Vanguard crowd, retail and DeFi inhabitants seem to be lagging behind like space whales in hyperspace. Will they ever catch up? Archive logs suggest… maybe.

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2025-12-07 15:34