🚨🚨🚨 The Great GameStop Bitcoin Heist 🚨🚨🚨
Ah, the eternal optimists, the brave souls who dared to dream that a video game retailer could somehow, someway, become a force to be reckoned with in the world of finance. And now, they’ve done it. GameStop (GME), that most unlikely of heroes, has announced plans to accumulate Bitcoin (BTC) as a reserve asset. Because, why not? It’s not like they’re running a chain of stores that’s hemorrhaging cash or anything.
The stock, a viral sensation among retail traders in 2021, is up more than 14% the day after the company’s board approved a Bitcoin treasury strategy. Ah, the sweet taste of victory. Or, at the very least, the sweet taste of a temporary reprieve from financial ruin.
Shares of GameStop are trading for $29.12 at time of writing. A small price to pay for the privilege of watching the company’s stock price yo-yo like a sad, pathetic clown.
In a Tuesday filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), the company outlines its new Bitcoin strategy. Because, of course they do. Because what could possibly go wrong with investing in a volatile, unregulated asset that’s prone to wild price swings?
“The Board approved the addition of Bitcoin as a treasury reserve asset, alongside US dollar-denominated stablecoins, to diversify the Company’s investment portfolio… a portion of our cash or future debt and equity issuances may be invested in Bitcoin.
We have not set a maximum amount of Bitcoin we may accumulate, and may sell any Bitcoin we may acquire.”
The company also says it plans to shutter a “significant number” of store locations this year. Because, you know, that’s exactly what the world needs. More abandoned storefronts and unemployed retail workers.
Says the filing,
“We have also initiated a comprehensive store portfolio optimization review which involves identifying stores for closure based on many factors, including an evaluation of current market conditions and individual store performance.
This review, among other things, resulted in the closure of 590 stores in the United States in fiscal 2024. While this review is ongoing and a specific set of stores has not been identified for closure, we anticipate closing a significant number of additional stores in fiscal 2025.”
CNN reports that GameStop has already closed about 1,000 stores in the past year. Ah, the sweet taste of progress.
Across the world, GameStop currently has 3,203 locations, down from 6,000 a decade ago. The US currently has 2,325 GameStop locations. A grand total of 1,675 fewer locations than just a decade ago. Because who needs brick-and-mortar stores when you can have a thriving online presence? 🤣
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2025-03-26 21:21