This Weirdly Named Bitcoin Strategy Crushes DCA — Here’s Why Corporates Love It 😏

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What to know:

  • The wise men at Orbit Markets, shuffling their feet and their spreadsheets, claim the mysterious ‘accumulator’ has been tossing the humble DCA out the window since 2023.
  • An accumulator lets you buy assets at a discount, but beware: if the price falls, you must buy twice as much. This is not a game for those who wish to speculate with the urgent energy of Moscow students seeking vodka on Saturday night.
  • If your ambition is to get rich quick and flee by morning, you will find the accumulator strategy as welcoming as a cold Siberian boarding house.

To speak of corporate folk and Bitcoin is to summon the image of nervous gentlemen staring hopefully at green candles, clutching their ledgers and their beating hearts. They mostly buy and hold, a strategy as exciting as a provincial marriage and not much more lucrative.

Nevertheless, DCA (dollar-cost averaging) has been the comfortable quilt for many. Safer than investing in ostrich farms, until Orbit Markets came along and declared, “Lo, since 2023, the DCA plods along like Uncle Vasya, but the accumulator skips ahead with a secret flask!”

This accumulator, popular among those Wall Streeters who love a little melodrama, is affectionately nicknamed “I Kill You Later”—a title that would make even Chekhov’s doctor characters raise an eyebrow. Pulkit Goyal of Orbit Markets assures those with large treasuries and even larger nerves, “Three-month accumulators outperformed DCA by 10%. Lengthen your suffering to six or twelve months, and you’ll outperform it by 13%… or even 26%. The longer you wait, the more dramatic the results. Like marrying into the wrong family.”

Both strategies tell you not to time the market, but the accumulator, with its elegant complications, lets you accumulate at a discount—at least until the market knocks you out completely. DCA, meanwhile, continues to buy at regular intervals, like a lonely soul perpetually sending flowers and hoping for a reply.

Primer on accumulator

The accumulator is a kind of financial love affair with a bitter ending—the investor agrees to regularly buy at a discount (“the Strike”) for a set period, unless, of course, the price shoots up and delivers an early knock-out. There’s none of that wishy-washy choice: the investor must buy, and if the price falls, must buy double. If you’re feeling lucky or just deeply committed to suffering, this may be for you.

Example of BTC accumulator

Picture this: an earnest soul, pockets jingling with hope and $1,000, pledges weekly to buy BTC at a strike price of $94,500. The gods of finance smile—so long as BTC lingers between the chosen strike and a knock-out barrier of $115,000. If BTC dares cross that upper threshold, the affair is over. But when the price dips below $94,500, our hero is pressed to buy double, $4,000 a week, at what seems a fine price—until the market crashes and the investor realizes he is, in fact, the butt of the joke. The laughter echoes all the way to the traditional markets, where “I Kill You Later” is less a nickname than a life motto.

All this is to say: if you’re a day trader seeking immediate thrills, walk briskly in the other direction. The accumulator is for those who enjoy long winters and melancholy piano music.

Backtesting

Orbit Markets, using the relentless precision of a civil servant counting spoons, tested the three-month BTC accumulator from January 2023 to June 13, 2025. Their findings: the average cost per Bitcoin was $39,035—a whole 10% cheaper than plodding DCA ($43,329). Extend your torment to six or twelve months, and your results improve further: $37,654 and $32,079 each, beating DCA by 13% and 26%.

the accumulator rewards patience and masochism, and perhaps both in equal measure. Surely, even Chekhov would raise a glass—or a fistful of rubles—to that. 🥃💸

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2025-06-18 14:10