Trump-Backed Bitcoin Miner Soars Toward Nasdaq Glory 🚀

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In a world where the clang of machinery drowns the whispers of reason, the Trump family-those paragons of modernity-have backed a venture called American Bitcoin, which now dares to ascend the Nasdaq like a moth to a flame in September. The merger with Gryphon Digital Mining, they say, is the final act of this operatic farce.

  • American Bitcoin, the phoenix of crypto capitalism, will rise on Nasdaq by September.
  • Its ticker? ABTC. Because why not spell out “BitCoin” in a language only Wall Street can love. 🤑
  • Hut 8, the puppeteer, holds 80

Once upon a time, Hut 8 mined Bitcoin like it was gold. Now, with the Trumps’ golden touch, they’ve birthed a new beast: American Bitcoin. A venture not just for mining, but for “treasury accumulation,” as if Bitcoin isn’t already a treasure chest with a self-destruct button. 🤷♂️

March this year saw the alchemy of Hut 8’s mining rigs and the Trumps’ Midas touch. An 80

Asher Genoot, Hut 8’s CEO, told Reuters the Nasdaq debut is nigh. ABTC it shall be called, a name that sounds like a failed tech startup from the early 2000s. But hey, at least it’s not “TrumpCoin.” 🚨

American Bitcoin Merges with Gryphon: A Dance of Dollars and Dreams 💸

Instead of the traditional IPO, American Bitcoin chose a stock-for-stock merger with Gryphon Digital Mining. Why? To avoid the “lengthy regulatory review” and “underwriting process.” In other words: “We’re too lazy to do it the right way.” 🤡

Genoot, with the enthusiasm of a man selling snake oil, said the merger offers “advantages in financing.” Translation: We’re borrowing money we don’t have to buy Bitcoin we don’t need. 🤔

The deal? American Bitcoin will own 98

Not Just a Treasury Strategy (Or Is It?) 🤷♂️

American Bitcoin has the audacity to claim it’s both a miner and a “treasury vehicle.” Their goal? To become “the world’s largest, most efficient pure-play Bitcoin miner.” Because nothing says “efficiency” like buying Bitcoin instead of mining it. 🤬

As of Aug. 29, they hold 1,941 BTC. That’s $214 million in today’s dollars, or roughly the price of a small island. Genoot, ever the philosopher, said they “ebb and flow between which one is the best return.” Because nothing says “financial strategy” like flipping a coin. 🪙

And now, the grand plan: expand to Japan and Hong Kong. Because why mine Bitcoin when you can mine chaos in Asia? 🌏

But fear not! Hut 8 will lease their data centers to American Bitcoin. No need to build anything from scratch-just rent the skeleton of a dead horse and call it innovation. 🐴

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2025-08-29 11:45