Trump’s Crypto Law: How a Billionaire’s Signature Made Wall Street Bankers Cry 😭

by

In a dimly lit Oval Office, where the heavy curtains cast shadows like those in a Siberian winter, President Trump, with his characteristic flourish that reminded one of a provincial theater actor, signed what would become the first crypto-specific law. 🎭

Ah, how amusing it was to witness! Like a scene from one of those peculiar modern plays where nothing makes sense yet everything means something. The Senate voted 70-28, the House 292-132 – numbers that danced around like excited debutantes at their first ball. 💃

You see, there was this rather bothersome IRS DeFi Broker Rule, much like an unwanted relative who overstays their welcome and keeps asking about your personal affairs. The rule demanded that DeFi platforms report everything to the IRS, as if the tax collectors were gossiping neighbors desperate for information. 🕵️‍♂️

Senator Ted Cruz and Representative Mike Carey, playing their parts like seasoned performers in this grand tragicomedy, introduced their resolution. One might say they were like two provincial doctors prescribing a cure for a disease they barely understood. 👨‍⚕️

“The DeFi Broker Rule,” declared Representative Carey, with all the gravity of a man announcing the end of the world, “needlessly hindered American innovation.” How marvelous it is when politicians speak of innovation as if it were a delicate flower in need of their protection! 🌸

And oh, the celebration that followed! Bo Hines, that enthusiastic young director of something impressively titled, took to X (formerly Twitter, though why do they keep changing names like a merchant trying to escape his creditors?) to announce this “Huge Moment!” 🎉

Meanwhile, the SEC, that stern governess of Wall Street, suddenly developed a heart. They released new guidance, dismissed charges, and generally behaved like a strict parent who had finally decided to let their children stay up past bedtime. How peculiar life can be! 😌

“Together, we’ll fight for a future,” Helium proclaimed, sounding rather like a young idealist in one of those revolutionary pamphlets, “where everyone and everything can connect freely.” As if connection were all we needed for happiness! 🌟

And so, dear reader, as this tale of regulatory drama unfolds like a modern-day farce, we find ourselves witnesses to what they call a “turning point.” Though in my experience, life has so many turning points, one might get dizzy trying to keep track of them all. 🎪

Read More

2025-04-11 08:37