Trump’s Crypto Sideshow – Wait Till You Hear This!

Alright, picture this: the Department of Justice, the very same folks who once pounced on every crypto wrongdoing, suddenly decides, “You know what? Nah.” So they quietly yank the plug on the National Cryptocurrency Enforcement Team—like they’re sneaking out of a dinner party they never wanted to attend in the first place.

This big revelation trickles down in a late-night memo from Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche—who, by the way, also happened to be Trump’s defense attorney. Talk about multitasking! He basically says the DOJ is done policing crypto like it’s a wild party that needs a strict bouncer. Instead, they’ll leave that headache to the SEC, CFTC, or whoever else drew the short straw.

We’re told this stems from Trump’s executive order for “regulatory clarity.” Translation: give crypto actors a high-five instead of a court summons. Even the acronym-happy agencies (SEC, CFTC) got the memo: lighten up, folks. Better to sip iced tea than chase crypto mixers, am I right?

Does anyone remember those big crypto crackdowns? Tornado Cash, Avraham Eisenberg, North Korean hackers? Yeah, well, apparently the DOJ wants to leave that drama in the past. Because—cue the eye roll—we’re focusing only on the “individuals who victimize digital asset investors.” Sure, slam the little guys, but let the big crypto fish swim, right?

Even more hilarious: Trump’s pushing to stack a “strategic reserve” of Bitcoin—like some doomsday bunker except with digital coins. He even throws fancy summits, standing there like “I promised to make America the Bitcoin superpower.” Because who needs a normal superpower when you can have blockchain bragging rights?

So here we are. The NCET is toast, the DOJ has put on its slippers, and the civil agencies are now in charge, presumably with a less stern face. Good news for crypto enthusiasts, I guess. Bad news for those of us who found some satisfaction in watching questionable projects get a thorough legal takedown. But hey, this is the new era—one with fewer crackdowns and more winks.

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2025-04-08 15:49