Trump’s Memecoin Meltdown: 100 Days, Countless Crises, Zero Apologies 🙄💸

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In the year 2025, amid the labyrinthine corridors of power in Washington—echoing with the measured footsteps of ambition and the laughter of those who have convinced themselves they possess wisdom—President Donald Trump, upon reaching the hundredth day of his rule, faced a storm not conjured by the idle caprices of fate but by his own peculiarly contradictory nature.

A man, like the Russian autumn, full of unexpected turns, Trump appeared upon the stage of NBC’s Meet the Press, presided over by Kristen Welker, a woman no more likely to be impressed by grandeur than a Moscow matron hearing yet another promise from a dashing but unreliable nephew.

“I haven’t even looked,” Trump declared, referring to the fabled profits of his latest invention, the memecoin Official Trump—an enterprise so new it still had the scent of printer ink and unspent illusions. This was, notably, two days following his ascension to the nation’s highest office, when most would be content to bask in the glow of their own importance rather than launching new speculative ventures.

“If I own stock in something and I do a good job, and the stock market goes up, I guess I’m profiting,” he mused, with all the solemnity of a czar pronouncing on the metaphysics of turnips. Audiences wondered at this, finding their brows furrowed with questions only the lawyers could answer, but everyone knew: when a leader dances with coins, the people pay the fiddler.

Alas, the coin in question—launched, as it were, in a siege of celebratory confetti and optimistic tweets—at $73.43, soon fell, as empires and soufflés do, by roughly 85%. At the time of this writing, one might purchase it, if so inclined, for $11.12, or, for the mathematically inclined, twelve kopecks and a sigh.

Hope, however, is a tenacious parasite. Rumor spread of a dinner with the president himself—a chance for the coin’s most faithful holders to break bread, or at least stare mournfully at breadsticks, in Trump’s luminous presence. Was this hope, or merely indigestion?

As with so many tales of power and rubles, the coin’s story grew more tangled. CIC Digital LLC and Fight Fight Fight LLC (for what better describes our collective national mood?) together hoarded 80% of all tokens. In Russia, they would call this simply “Wednesday.”

Trump, it must be noted, promised to donate his presidential paycheck, but when asked about the spoils of meme-based speculation, he shrugged: “I never thought of that.” Neither, apparently, had Cicero nor the Senate. Thus, criticism arose from his own party—GOP senators who, finding themselves caught between the devil and the blockchain, expressed worries over the ethical acrobatics of transforming public office into a piggy bank for digital tokens.

Yet, in the words of every Russian grandmother: “If there is no water in the glass, where did the fish swim?” In the parlor games of power and wealth, only the wise and the weary understand the answer. 😏📉🍽️

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2025-05-05 15:44