LAS VEGAS, Nevada — In a scene reminiscent of a surrealist play, Strategy (MSTR) Chair Michael Saylor took to the stage, his words flowing like a fine vodka, intoxicating the eager crowd at Bitcoin 2025. With a flourish, he unveiled his grand manifesto — the “21 ways to wealth” — as if he were a magician revealing the secrets of the universe to a rapt audience of believers and skeptics alike.
“Ah, dear friends! Satoshi ignited a fire in the vast expanse of cyberspace! While the timid flee in terror and the jesters frolic around the flames, the true believers stoke the embers, dreaming of a utopia bathed in the warm glow of digital riches,” Saylor proclaimed, his voice echoing like a prophet in the desert. “What does this mean, you ask? It means that many will cower at the mere mention of Bitcoin, never daring to touch its shimmering allure. They shall be left in the dust, while others juggle the flames, crafting fireworks and baubles, oblivious to the true magic. But those who grasp its essence? They shall feed the fire! And how, you wonder? By purchasing Bitcoin, of course!”
Our hero, Saylor — now a near-mythical figure in the Bitcoin realm, leading a company that hoards a staggering 3% of the world’s Bitcoin supply — urged the masses to rid themselves of their pitiful assets. “Trade your fiat currency for Bitcoin! Swap your long-term capital for Bitcoin! Sell your bonds, your inferior stocks, your crumbling real estate, and buy Bitcoin!” he declared, as if he were a modern-day alchemist promising gold from lead. “Feed the fire, and behold! An explosion of prosperity shall follow, and you shall hold the golden ticket to wealth!”
Thus, Saylor unveiled his third way to wealth — courage! “Wealth favors the bold, those who dare to embrace intelligent monetary risk,” he intoned, as if reciting a sacred text.
Bitcoin, like a fickle lover, rises in value when more suitors come knocking, though Saylor, in his fervor, neglected to mention this little detail during his oration.
In addition to courage, our sage advised the audience to cultivate unwavering conviction in Bitcoin’s potential, to remain steadfast in their pursuits, to collaborate with their families, to embrace the wonders of artificial intelligence, and to engage with the world’s power structures with a touch of civility. And above all, to be generous!
“When you achieve success — and mark my words, you shall — rise each morning with a heart full of joy, share your security, and sprinkle hope upon those less fortunate,” Saylor urged, his eyes gleaming with the fervor of a true believer. “You have discovered the path first; now, spread the good karma!”
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2025-05-30 06:11