Venture Capitalists Are Betting Your Crypto Wallet on Stablecoins and Stuffed AI — Here’s Why

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It’s May 2025, and if your crypto portfolio still looks like a sad slice of Wonder Bread, you’re not alone. Retail investors keep staring at their wallets hoping new numbers will materialize, but — let’s face it — those numbers are as loyal as my siblings when it’s time to split the check. So, what are the big-money VC folks up to while we scream into our pillows?

For those desperately seeking hope (or just desperate for diversion), the answer might be found in the hallowed halls where people still wear Patagonia vests indoors against all logic.

Where Are VCs Throwing Money While We Cling to Meme Coins?

Andy, that intrepid explorer of The Rollup Co., has apparently been listening to venture capitalists who actually answer his emails! Here’s what he found out while the rest of us were busy arguing on Discord.

His first scoop? Stablecoins.

“Stablecoin issuers are very investable & will likely 10x in quantity,” Andy revealed, while presumably checking if his house plants are still alive.

Just how many stablecoins are we talking about? CoinMarketCap lists 200, CoinGecko over 300, and Token Terminal claims there are more than 50 entities responsible for a $225 billion ecosystem. Tether and Circle, unsurprisingly, still lord over the playground like hall monitors with a hall pass from the principal.

Should Andy’s crystal ball work out, we could be hip-deep in new stablecoin issuers by Christmas — making airdrops and DeFi yields as common as rejection emails from Coinbase support.

But AI! That’s the other toy in the VC toy chest. Here’s the thing: apparently, the best AI developers still like their Web2 offices with unlimited LaCroix, for now.

“The AI sector is interesting but better builders in Web2, for now,” Andy added, pausing for dramatic effect (or maybe to sneeze).

real-world assets! Or, as he so subtly put it…

“RWAs, RWAs, RWAs are all that matter,” Andy emphasized, and you could feel the capital letters through the phone.

Apparently, RWAs hit $20 billion in April, but, you know, markets are like my houseplants — sometimes they shrivel for no reason, and now it’s down to $18.9B. If you listen to finance wizards, we might yet be heading for a $10 trillion RWA market by 2030. That’s trillion with a t, like the number of times a VC forgets your name after shaking your hand.

Next up, Bitcoin liquidity markets. Because what’s more fun than adding the word “liquidity” to something and pretending it’s new?

2025: Everybody’s Down Bad

The thing about all this moonward optimism? The numbers went somewhere — just not into VC portfolios. Tariffs! Macroeconomic gloom! Turns out, it’s tough to make a buck when you’re stuck in a Zoom call listening to someone explain tokenomics with sock puppets.

“Crypto VCs are getting their margins squeezed as of recent. Many will not return their LPs positive returns. Others are having trouble raising new funds, especially in the post-tariff world. A lot of the tokens they invested into over the last two years haven’t launched or are beaten down badly. OTC markets are much drier than before. There will be an exodus at some point. The strong will survive,” Andy disclosed, right before probably asking his barista if “LP” stands for ‘Latte Payer.’

Still, not all is doom and gloom — or, at least, VCs prefer denial over despair. Funding hit $4.8 billion in Q1, the best showing since Taylor Swift was last single. MGX and Kraken took the lion’s share, and April alone saw $2.3 billion spent on new coins, apps, and, presumably, ping-pong tables.

So yes, VCs are cautiously “optimistic,” which in this business is just code for “I can still afford dinner delivery.” Meanwhile, the rest of us are waiting for the market to look less like a sad zoo and more like a party. Here’s hoping. 🥲⏳

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2025-04-30 12:26