Well, well, well, if it isn’t ol’ Bitcoin, strutting its digital stuff towards a $110,000 target, while a crafty crypto whale swims off with a $6.2 million prize. Arthur Hayes, the soothsayer of BitMEX, has decreed it so, pointing to the US’s monetary policy that’s as predictable as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
But hold your horses, because the decentralized finance (DeFi) world took a punch to the gut when an unknown behemoth exploited Hyperliquid’s algorithms like a child snatching candy from a baby. 😲
“I bet $BTC hits $110k before it retests $76.5k. Y? The Fed is going from QT to QE for treasuries. And tariffs don’t matter cause of “transitory inflation.” JAYPOW told me so.”
“What I mean is that the price is more likely to hit $110k than $76.5k next. If we hit $110k, then it’s yachtzee time and we ain’t looking back until $250k,” Hayes added, probably while adjusting his top hat and monocle.
Meanwhile, the Fed’s quantitative tightwaddery (QT) is slowing down, but it ain’t over till the fat lady sings, or so says Benjamin Cowen, who probably knows a thing or two about these matters.
Hyperliquid whale still holds 10% of JELLY memecoin after $6.2 million exploit
This mysterious whale, who’s probably swimming in a vault of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck, manipulated the JELLY memecoin price and made a killing. And guess what? They’re still holding onto nearly $2 million worth of the stuff. 🐋💰
Turns out, when the price of JELLY shot up like a rocket, the whale’s $4 million short position was too big to fail, so it got absorbed into the Hyperliquidity Provider Vault (HLP). Talk about a whale of a tale!
Fidelity plans stablecoin launch after SOL ETF “regulatory litmus test”
Fidelity Investments, with its eyes on the digital pie, is reportedly cooking up a US dollar-pegged stablecoin. They must’ve taken a page from Trump’s book on how to make the crypto world great again.
More and more financial bigwigs are dipping their toes in the crypto waters, thanks to the Trump administration’s crypto-friendly policies. It’s like a digital gold rush out there!
Polymarket faces scrutiny over $7 million Ukraine mineral deal bet
Polymarket, the granddaddy of decentralized prediction markets, is in hot water after a dodgy outcome on a high-stakes political bet. Some say it was a governance attack, while others blame it on sheer negligence. 🙄
But hey, that’s the beauty of blockchain, right? It’s transparent, immutable, and sometimes, a little too predictable.
DWF Labs launches $250 million fund for mainstream crypto adoption
DWF Labs is throwing a $250 million bash to speed up the crypto party and make sure blockchain projects grow like weeds. They’re focusing on projects that can actually make a difference in the real world, not just in the digital Wild West.
“We’re focusing our support on mid-to-large-cap projects, the tokens and platforms that typically serve as entry points for retail users,” says Andrei Grachev, probably while wearing a suit that costs more than my car.
DeFi market overview
Most of the top 100 cryptocurrencies ended the week on a high note, with some tokens rising like a phoenix from the ashes. But remember, in the crypto world, what goes up must come down, and vice versa. It’s a wild ride, folks!
Thanks for tuning in to this week’s crypto shenanigans. Join us next Friday for more tales from the digital frontier.
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2025-03-28 22:22