A night in the life of the Shiba Inuk: a tragedy, a comedy and a cold storage farce
It was the sort of August evening when every mosquito in Russia believes itself to be a future prince and every Shiba Inu holder believes himself to be a future oligarch. I saw, with these very eyes-eyes that have gazed upon Borodino and watched Toto try to exit the stage three times-351 billion SHIB tokens suddenly awaken and go for a stroll of exactly forty percent longer than yesterday’s stroll. A pilgrimage fit for a Tolstoyan wanderer!
- Tons of little bones on the move. Between the 12th and 13th, 351.6 billion SHIB vacated the wallets of those whom mortals call whales, yet who are in truth merely land-locked gentlemen with very large kennels 🐕
The price stood unmoved, as if Prince Andrei himself had whispered, “Stand firm, little coins, you shall not retreat.” Not a candle trembled, not a candlestick fell. Instead the Shiba went from $0.00001425 to $0.0000138 and whispered, “Perhaps later, friend; now we nap.” Thus the whales appeared not to sell, but merely to relocate their kennel to Siberia, where the blockchain air is colder and the bears cannot steal the chew-toys.
- Price action verdict. Still at $0.000014, which-let us be honest-neither buys a samovar nor even a single pickled cucumber.
Thus spoke Ethereum: every man, woman and hamster now in profit
Upon glancing at the ledger of ethers it became clear that every soul-yes, even cousin Masha who thought ETH was a Ukrainian Easter egg-was now in the money. A full 98.81 % marched forward, shoulders squared, wallets plump, singing “Ode to the New All-Time High,” while the remaining 1.19 % hummed tunelessly on the sidelines and pretended they always intended to be “at the money.”
- A nation of the satisfied. 148.2 million ETH, worth seven hundred billion dollars, are now officially bragging on Telegram.
Imagine: not a single tear in all the steppes. The ICO whale from 2014 attempted a cheeky sale, yet even he was met with bored shrugs as the market shrugged back, “We wait for five grand; we are patient, like Russian winters.”
- Next battlefield. The coveted $5,000 gate remains unstormed. War and Peace took 1,358 pages; ETH bulls may need at least one more candlestick.
Coinbase and the disappearing XRP: the greatest vanishing act since the Decembrist revolt
It has come to my notice that Coinbase-once the proud keeper of nearly one billion XRP scattered across 52 Siberian (excuse me, cold) wallets-has now lost 57.4 % of its stash since June. Where, oh where, have the Ripple tokens gone? Perhaps to Odessa to sip tea, perhaps to Bitstamp for a quick waltz, or perhaps to the On-Demand Liquidity network, which sounds suspiciously like a secret railway for Tsarist spies.
- The new geography of cold wallets: 10 wallets clutch 26.8 million each, 42 wallets cradle 16.8 million each, and one lonely wallet transferred 16.69 million to…another lonely wallet.
Behold the order in chaos: nothing crashed, no dogs barked, no Cossack charged. All was planned, rearranged and whispered about on Crypto Twitter as though discussing the location of Napoleon’s toothbrush.
- Final prognosis. Coinbase’s grip on XRP looseneth, but the token scampereth merrily into new wallets, dreaming of cross-border payments and maybe, just maybe, a cameo in War and Peace-The Re-Tokening.
And thus the moonlight shone on every coin, every whale, and every confused Ethereum uncle who still believes “staking” is a farming technique. The night ended as it began: with wallets full, hearts hopeful, and the eternal Russian question echoing across Telegram: “да когда ж уже пять тысяч, брат?” 😏
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2025-08-15 23:58