What Matt James’ Said About Sex Before Rachael Kirkconnell’s Reveal

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Matt James isn’t hung up on the hook ups. 

Following Rachael Kirkconnell’s recent statement that she and her ex-boyfriend, a former Bachelor, hadn’t been intimate for years before their January split, a past admission of his has come to light. He previously confessed to not having had sex with her, or with finalists Michelle Young and Brianna Springs, during the ‘fantasy suite’ portion of his season on the ABC show.

Matt explained to WSJ. magazine in 2021 that, speaking for himself, he believed the women he spoke with valued their private conversations. He used those moments to connect on a deeper level, learning things about them he wouldn’t have otherwise. He felt they opened up about topics they might have been hesitant to discuss on camera.

Rachael seemed touched by Matt’s gesture in 2021, but she’s recently shared that she hasn’t had much luck with dating for quite some time—even before their breakup earlier this year after four years together.

Rachael shared on the Extra Dirty podcast that it’s been a very long time since she last had sex. She jokingly compared it to being a virgin again, and emphasized that the duration was even longer than people might assume.

After being single for a while, she said she’s hoping to find someone who meets all of her criteria.

Rachael explained that she feels newly cautious about intimacy. After a long time, she wants any future physical connection to be truly special, and she’s no longer comfortable with casual encounters. She wants to be sure it’s with someone she really connects with.

As for specifics, the internet personality is prioritizing what’s on the inside. 

She described her ideal partner as someone kind, respectful, and encouraging – someone who helps her feel motivated and supports her growth, just as she strives to do for herself.

For a while, Matt was a really great support for her, but after several years, they realized they weren’t a good match for the future. He simply wasn’t prepared to commit to a more serious relationship.

Rachael shared that during their breakup, he told her he might be ready for a relationship ‘one day,’ but wasn’t feeling it at the moment. She responded by saying that after four years together, she expected him to either know what he wanted or be prepared for it, and his uncertainty felt like a bad sign.

She explained that after four years together, if he didn’t feel a strong connection with her, they likely shouldn’t be together, since he knew her so well.

For more of what Rachel said about her split from Matt, keep reading… 

During a recent interview on the Call Her Daddy podcast, Rachael Kirkconnell revealed that she and Matt James had conversations about getting engaged and starting a family before their unexpected breakup after four years of dating.

 

She explained that they had started discussing the possibility of getting engaged. A few months prior, he’d suggested she begin looking at rings or saving money for one, which she considered a significant step. It made her realize he was truly committed to the idea. She felt it was a very positive sign, and as their relationship progressed, he became more comfortable talking about it. Initially, she sensed he was hesitant or even afraid to bring it up, but it became easier for him over time, which reassured her that things were moving in the right direction.

While in Tokyo, Rachael and Matt had some minor disagreements. Rachael felt stressed about deciding where to eat and finding locations for Matt’s filming, and these small issues eventually led to larger problems in their relationship, as Rachael shared.

We had a disagreement right away, even while we were out and about. We missed lunch and went back to the hotel, where things escalated into a larger discussion. We were both a little frustrated with each other. It became clear we were both annoyed, each feeling the other was to blame. He finally expressed feelings he’d apparently been holding in for some time, and honestly, I’m not sure what it all means.

Rachael said Matt told her he was concerned about certain personality traits she has and how they might affect their marriage.

 

She remembered realizing they simply weren’t a good match. He’d come to the conclusion that she should have wanted to propose by that point in their relationship. He felt she should be wanting marriage and be ready for it, but she wasn’t. She didn’t feel they were ready, or that she was, and she admitted she couldn’t envision herself ever proposing, or being married to him.

 

He mentioned he wasn’t ready for the next step, but thought he might be someday. I responded that after four years together, he should have a better idea of what he wants. I explained that if he still wasn’t sure after all that time, it wasn’t a good sign, and we might not be compatible since he knows me so well.

The Bachelor star found out about her breakup while on a plane leaving Tokyo. Matt had just posted about their split on Instagram, and she didn’t have Wi-Fi access for another 12 hours to find out more.

 

I was just about to take off when my phone started blowing up with messages. It was one of my best friends, and she kept texting ‘Rach?’ over and over. As soon as I saw that, I knew something was up. Then she texted, ‘I saw Matt’s post. Is this real?’ That’s how I found out he’d posted something. The plane was actually taking off as I saw it, and then I lost service for the next twelve hours.

 

I was completely blindsided by the breakup, and now just hours later, it’s public news. It’s all happening so fast, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. It’s honestly shocking to think everyone knows, and I’m just overwhelmed right now.

Rachael admitted she was still curious about why Matt made that particular social media post, but felt it ultimately ended any chance of reconciliation. She said it was the final straw.

 

I’ve talked to him since then, and he admits now that it wasn’t the right thing to do.

Honestly, after hearing him say those things – like, telling me he didn’t see a future with me, that we wouldn’t get married – I just knew it was over. It sounds dramatic, I get it, but that was a dealbreaker. And the way he handled everything, especially with that post… I do forgive him, truly. But I can’t be with someone who would do that to me, who would disrespect me like that. It just completely changed things, you know? I’m a huge fan, but I deserve better than that, and I need to protect myself.

 

She explained that sometimes you have to defend yourself, even when it’s difficult. While a part of her wished they could reconcile and forget everything, she knew that wasn’t possible. Ultimately, she believed standing up for herself and moving forward independently was the right thing to do, despite how hard it was.

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2025-10-21 23:15