When Billion-Dollar Crypto Dreams Meet Mel Brooks: Laughter, Bitcoin & SoftBank!

Hold onto your hats—and your wallets! Brandon Lutnick, the big cheese at Cantor Fitzgerald (the investment banking firm, not a fancy pizza joint), is teaming up with the usual suspects: SoftBank, Tether, and Bitfinex. Together, they’re cooking up a $3 billion crypto concoction so spicy, even your grandma would want a taste.

These brainiacs plan to roll out a publicly listed crypto acquisition company, hoping to ride the crypto wave like a bunch of pros. Their inspiration? None other than Michael Saylor’s Strategy—because why reinvent the wheel when you can just copy and paste? Oh, and did I mention this is all happening under the crypto-friendly gaze of Mr. Donald Trump? Bigly exciting stuff, if you ask me.

So, what’s the moolah breakdown? Cantor Equity Partners kicked things off with a casual $200 million in January for the new baby—21 Capital. Meanwhile, Tether’s tossing a beefy $1.5 billion worth of Bitcoin into the pot, SoftBank is dropping $900 million (because Japan likes to party hard), and Bitfinex adds its own $600 million flair. 💰

If that weren’t outrageous enough, they’re aiming to pull in another $350 million via convertible bonds (fancy speak for “we might pay you later”) and $200 million private equity to buy even more shiny Bitcoins. Soon enough, Tether, Bitfinex, and SoftBank will swap their precious Bitcoin for 21 Capital shares—locked in at an eye-watering $85,000 per coin, with shares going for just $10 each. Talk about a crypto bargain!

But hey, don’t break out the champagne just yet. The deal’s not sealed, signed, or notarized. Heck, some details might even change before the big announcement—because in finance, uncertainty is king. Fun fact: Brandon Lutnick stepped into his chair role at Cantor Fitzgerald after his dad, Howard, decided to join the US Cabinet as Secretary of Commerce—keeping it all in the family!

Crypto Consortium Power Players

Of course, Cantor Fitzgerald, SoftBank, Tether, and Bitfinex are playing hard to get and haven’t returned CryptoMoon’s calls. Classic.

Cantor Fitzgerald: Crypto School’s Top Student

These guys don’t just talk the talk—they manage Tether’s $134 billion Treasury portfolio like it’s a game of Monopoly, ignoring the free parking. They’ve got a neat 5% stake in Tether itself. Plus, they helped Tether invest $775 million in Rumble, the video platform for folks who want to avoid YouTube’s cat videos—and possibly reality.

Hold your laughter: this March, Cantor said they’d launch a Bitcoin financing biz with a cool $2 billion to help the big fish borrow against their digital coins. Anchorage Digital and Copper are the designated guardians of this crypto treasure chest, keeping an eye on the blinking coins so no one runs off with them.

Currently, Cantor Fitzgerald’s got a portfolio worth over $5 billion scattered across 275 holdings. That’s a lot of zeros and a lot of coffee consumed.

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2025-04-23 08:33