When Bitcoin Meets Tariffs: Will It Cry or Just Chuckle? 🤔💸

In the vast, tumultuous theatre of worldly finances, where fortunes rise and fall like the restless tides, there stands Lyn Alden, a soothsayer of economies, casting her gaze upon the enigmatic creature known as Bitcoin. Now priced, as if by fate’s own hand, near $85,000, she foretells that by the closing act of 2025, Bitcoin shall ascend higher—though, alas, not as grandly as once dreamed. For the mischievous Trump, that unpredictable jester in the political court, with his tariffs, has stirred a tempest that tempers this digital leviathan’s climb.

“Before this tariff kerfuffle,” she confided to Natalie Brunell, as if sharing secrets over a glass of vodka on a cold night, “my vision was loftier, grander. But still, I wager the year shall end with Bitcoin’s banner flying above its current station.”

Bitcoin, the Tireless Night Owl; The Old Guard’s Monday Morning Panic

Yet, the market’s fates are capricious. Alden whispers of a “massive liquidity unlock” — a phrase as cryptic as the smile of a cat — that might propel Bitcoin to heights old dreams dared imagine. Should the US bond market shatter, forcing the Federal Reserve into its arcane rites of yield curve manipulation and quantitative easing (that almost mythical QE), the digital coin may find wings.

Nevertheless, the path twinkles with peril. Bitcoin’s tireless nature—trading ceaselessly through nights, Sundays, and the unholy hours when even the busiest stockbrokers dream—exposes it to sudden jolts. When the honorable “Traditional Finance” panics, snapping shut its daylight windows, Bitcoin’s round-the-clock dance becomes a spectacle of unpredictable twists.

“Imagine,” she says, “the weary traders, fretting over Monday’s dawn, offloading their Bitcoin on a quiet Sunday, preparing like wary soldiers for battle.”

Indeed, Bitcoin’s prices swing like a lad with too much tea and no proper restraint, especially when the venerable markets shrug in terror.

Bitcoin currently hovers near $84,868, a number as fickle as a debutante’s affections.

Intriguingly, Alden suggests that Bitcoin may one day snub the Nasdaq 100, severing ties not unlike a rebellious son from a hoity-toity family. While the Nasdaq may suffer wounds to its margins, Bitcoin cares little if global liquidity remains untouched.

Reflecting on past misadventures, she draws lessons from the era preceding the 2008 Global Financial Crisis—a time when the US dollar waned like a fading star, and capital trickled quietly into exotic lands, precious metals, and mysterious assets while American stocks stood solemnly aside, slightly out of favor.

“Should such a five-year saga unfold once more,” she muses, “Bitcoin might thrive, even as the US stock market trudges through gloom.”

Her scholarly pursuits reveal Bitcoin to be a loyal barometer of global liquidity, dancing in step with the world’s M2 money supply about 83% of the time—more closely than gold or other haughty assets.

Thus, we find ourselves at the crossroads of humor and destiny, watching as Bitcoin pirouettes on the stage of world finance, sometimes a jester, sometimes a king, and always an enigma wrapped in the enigma’s pajamas. 🎭💰

2025-04-19 07:26

Bitcoin, the Tireless Night Owl; The Old Guard’s Monday Morning Panic

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