If there’s one thing wizards, alchemists and hard-hatted miners have in common, it’s the burning ambition to turn a heap of rocks (or, in this case, electrons) into pure gold. Or at least something that looks convincingly like gold on the internet. CryptoQuant’s own number-cruncher, Axel Adler Jr, reports that to squeeze one Bitcoin out of the ether will set you back around $36,800. Not bad, considering in Ankh-Morpork that’d barely buy you two barrels of dubious sausages and a second-hand watch that tells you the phase of the moon, yesterday’s weather, and occasionally the time.
The ingredients for this digital gold recipe? The freshest electrons, a soupçon of energy efficiency, capex amortization (which sounds expensive but has the satisfying ring of pretending you know what it means), and the all-important Power Usage Effectiveness multiplier—a term so bereft of meaning it could have been invented by wizards. Take all that, throw it into the Magical Abacus, and you arrive at a cost of $36,800 to birth one Bitcoin into the world. Easy, right?
But wait! What’s this? Bitcoin is sashaying about town at a market price of $102,894, catapulting miners into a realm of 182% profit. Yes, that’s right. Miners are currently making money faster than a Discworld con artist at a gullibility festival. Axel Jr, who may or may not own suspiciously large trousers, notes this is similar to the start of Bitcoin’s last great scamper up the hill in late 2022.
The average cost of mining 1 BTC for miners is currently $36.8K. The spread between the current market price and the cost of one coin = 182%. This is essentially the average profitability. This corresponds to the beginning of the bull cycle in November 2022 and the peaks of this…
— Axel 💎🙌 Adler Jr (@AxelAdlerJr) May 13, 2025
“This is essentially the average profitability,” said Adler Jr, clearly relishing a world in which the mathematics for ‘average’ includes a profit balance usually reserved for lottery winners and the sort of people who find lost treasure under floorboards. He suggests that as long as the price avoids a nasty fall through the floor—something even Unseen University’s students can’t always manage—miners can expect to make bank like it’s January 2023 and everyone still thinks Beanie Babies are due for a comeback.
As for today’s numbers: Bitcoin is, as ever, a skittish beast. Down 1.85% in the past 24 hours—although, let’s be honest, in crypto that’s what passes for a tea break—it’s currently lounging at $102,894. It did nip up to poke $104,635 earlier, and only yesterday waved at $105k for the first time since January. Give it a hat and call it volatile.
Fueling this stampede? An improbable ceasefire in the U.S.-China trade slapfight, which helped Bitcoin bounce back from its face-plant below $75,000 after certain world leaders decided the international economy needed a good rattling—presumably to see if any loose change would fall out.
So here’s the tale: In the past month, Bitcoin has leapt like a caffeinated frog, rising over 21.7%. In the last week alone, miners have had a 9% better chance of buying a very fancy chair. In conclusion: If you see a miner smiling mysteriously, don’t worry. That’s just the look of someone whose computer just paid for itself. 🧙♂️💰🐉
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2025-05-13 12:59