You Won’t Believe What a Bitcoin-Hungry Hedge Fund Did to a Korean Biotech!

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In the ever-madder world of big hats and even bigger wallets, Parataxis Holdings—who sound like they sell either hedge funds or complex mind diseases—decided to march boldly into South Korea and launch a “Bitcoin-native treasury platform.” Which basically means they want to turn won into fun, but mostly into digital gold nobody quite knows how to pronounce properly.

Not satisfied with just shaking a digital piggy bank, Parataxis dropped a whopping 25 billion won (about $18.5 million, or approximately one-and-a-half Real House purchases in Ankh-Morpork) into Bridge Biotherapeutics, a biotech company that once thought bridge-building had something to do with medicine (spoiler: it doesn’t).

There’s a plot twist! Once the dust (and stock tickers) settled, Parataxis took the wheel, promising to rename the company Parataxis Korea. Frankly, this announcement likely came as a strange surprise to anyone hoping for a pill to cure anything, as the company will now focus on being a treasury vehicle for what the mortals call “institutional Bitcoin exposure.” It’s less EXPOSURE in the medical sense, more exposure as in “How much did you lose in crypto, Larry?” 📉

Quoth Andrew Kim (Parataxis Capital), “We’ve seen what those lunatics in the US and Japan are doing with Bitcoin so, naturally, we want in before the next guy figures out how to print blockchain on paper.” Apparently, South Korea is now the Next Big Thing in Bitcoin’s world conquest plan—just behind The Moon and that funny island from Gulliver’s Travels.

Of course, Parataxis plans to bring “sound corporate governance,” which is finance-speak for “Please, regulators, let us gamble a little.” This is tricky, as Korean authorities still have crypto ETFs firmly in the penal colony. The SFC, perhaps feeling reckless, did allow 3,500 corporations and professional investors to open “real-name” accounts instead of the usual “FakeName McInvestment.” Baby steps.

In the background, Parataxis itself is plotting its own leap into the public markets via a $200 million “special acquisition company,” possibly called Operation: Moonshot, and likely to involve confusing PowerPoint slides and optimistic faces.

If you’re keeping score on your magic abacus at home, more than 237 public companies have now hoarded enough Bitcoin to make the dragons nervous. That’s up from 124 companies (give or take those that vaporized in rug pulls), and now represents just under 4% of all Bitcoin—a number that’s probably accurate, unless someone lost their password again.

Stock Rallies: The “Up, Down, Not Sure” Chronicles 📈🤔

Bridge Biotherapeutics’ stock tried to perform a high jump, leaping more than 20% in celebration of their new Bitcoin-drenched overlords, only to remember it’s still 74% down for the year and 90% off its five-year high. So, yes, it’s a bit like falling off the Disc and missing the Octarine landing pad.

For context, Bridge Biotherapeutics has been around since 2015, cooking up treatments for ulcerative colitis, fibrotic diseases and cancer—none of which, last I checked, can be cured by buying more Bitcoin, but never say never.

In other reckless-adoption news, Pri0r1ty Intelligence Group (m0re v0wels, please) claimed it *will* adopt Bitcoin as a reserve asset and payment solution, despite not actually buying any. This is the corporate equivalent of saying, “I’m going vegan, right after my next burger.”

Despite their hands-free approach to Bitcoin, Pri0r1ty’s shares soared 84% in a single day, heroically climbing out of a year-long hole, as if financial gravity was merely a suggestion. It’s a kind of sorcery that makes David Copperfield look like an amateur.

But the Disc spins on—because over at GameStop, home of meme stocks and existential dread, shares collapsed 22% after the company announced it needed more cash. Some analysts assumed this meant…more crypto? Which frankly sounds like guessing the Patrician’s password: doomed from the start.

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2025-06-20 17:56