CoinShares Rockets Past $3.4B AUM-Wall Street, Brace Yourself!

So, CoinShares just cheerfully announced that Bitcoin and Ethereum have been doing their best superhero impressions-rescuing the firm from the doom of outflows on some old, dusty products nobody really asked for anymore.

Sure, they had $126 million quietly tiptoeing out of their XBT Provider lineup (we all have that one relative who sneaks away at parties), but lucky for them, the market decided to throw a party and pump the AUM up anyway. Spoiler: Bitcoin shot up nearly 29% and Ethereum went on a caffeine-fueled 37% sprint in August, setting fresh records like the overachievers they are.

CEO Jean-Marie Mognetti, who probably drinks espresso for breakfast and vision for lunch, said the digital asset buzz is lighting up the second half of the year. He even hinted that their forthcoming US listing might “unlock substantial value” for shareholders-translation: we’re hoping to get rich, and soon. 💸

Profits Climb on Fees and Jackpot ETH Staking

In case you were wondering if they’re just surviving or actually thriving, the firm reported a neat $32.4 million in net profit for Q2-a 26% increase since last quarter and a polite elbow past last year’s $31.8 million. Fees raked in $30 million, thanks to $170 million flowing merrily into their CoinShares Physical products, making it their second-best quarter ever-probably not a coincidence that everyone loves physical stuff (gold, stocks, maybe even vinyl records someday?).

The capital markets division also played nice, contributing $11.3 million, with $4.3 million coming from ETH staking-which is apparently the crypto equivalent of putting your money in a “digital mattress” and hoping it grows. Mognetti threw in some macroeconomic gloom for flavor, calling it “a wholesale transformation of the global economic order.” Fancy words for “stuff is changing fast, so hold onto your hats.”

Nearly 100 Crypto ETFs Waiting at the SEC’s Door

Meanwhile, CoinShares can smell the US listing glory even as 92 other crypto ETFs stand in line at the SEC, probably waiting to hear if it’s “come in” or “stay out.” Institutional investors appear more eager than ever to dip their toes (or their yachts) into the regulated digital asset pool.

Disclaimer: This article exists to amuse and inform, not to turn you into the next Warren Buffett. Do your homework, talk to a real financial advisor, and please don’t bet the farm on a shiny new crypto hype train.

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2025-08-29 22:08