22% of Profits? Meet the Bitcoin-Addicted Businesses!

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According to River, the financial services firm that’s basically the crypto version of a therapist, businesses are shoving 22% of their profits into Bitcoin like it’s the last pizza slice at a party. 🧠💰

Real estate moguls are leading the charge, tossing 15% of their profits into Bitcoin, while hotels, banks, and software companies are playing it safe with 8-10%. Sam Baker, the guy who probably knows more about Bitcoin than your ex, says this is the new normal. 🧠

And yes, even your local yoga studio, the guy who paints your house, the roofing company that’s probably judging your life choices, and that church that’s definitely not a nonprofit are all in on the Bitcoin craze. 🤷‍♀️

Baker claims these businesses have quietly amassed 84,000 BTC in 2025, which is like a quarter of what the big institutions have. Because nothing says ‘discreet’ like hoarding crypto in your basement. 🧾

Baker adds, “While the big boys are getting all the glory, the real story is the everyday businesses using Bitcoin to jazz up their boring old models. Because nothing says ‘innovation’ like paying your employees in digital gold.” 💸

Baker explains that better accounting, clearer rules, and a bull market have made it the perfect storm for Bitcoin adoption. Because nothing says ‘perfect’ like a cryptocurrency that’s basically a Ponzi scheme with a better marketing team. 🦄

And let’s not forget, the bull run to $124,450 was fueled by businesses and institutions buying Bitcoin like it’s the next big thing. Which, surprise, it kind of is. 📈

At times, ETFs have bought 10x more Bitcoin than miners could mine, causing the price to skyrocket. Because nothing says ‘market dynamics’ like a bunch of investors buying crypto because they saw it on TikTok. 🧠

Back in 2020-2021, businesses were too busy sipping lattes and ignoring Bitcoin while it hit $69k on retail hype. Now they’re all like, “Oh, I guess we should invest in this.” 🤷‍♂️

Smaller businesses have an easier path to Bitcoin adoption

Smaller businesses are the real MVPs here. With 75% of River’s clients having 50 employees or fewer, they’re adopting Bitcoin like it’s the new office coffee. Because who needs a committee when you can just buy some crypto? ☕

Baker says small businesses are the way to go, with 75% of his clients being tiny teams. Because nothing says ‘effortless’ like not having to get 10 people to agree on a decision. 🧠

Meanwhile, big companies with committees are like, “Nope, we’re sticking to the norm.” Hence why S&P 500 companies are still holding onto cash like it’s the end of the world. 💸

“Even if the CEO is a crypto fanboy, they won’t push for Bitcoin unless their peers are already doing it. Because nothing says ‘bold’ like following the crowd.” 🧠

Many are only investing modest amounts into Bitcoin

But here’s the kicker: over 40% of businesses are investing 1-10% into Bitcoin, while only 10% put more than half their profits in. Because nothing says ‘modest’ like investing 1% of your profits. 🧾

Smaller companies are buying in small doses – like $10k. Take Western Main Self Storage, who bought 0.088 BTC for $9,830. Now they’re sitting on 0.43 BTC. Because nothing says ‘investment’ like a little bit of crypto. 🧾

Despite all this, Baker says most businesses are still clueless about Bitcoin. Because nothing says ‘awareness’ like not knowing it’s capped at 21 million. 🤯

Cornell found 6% know Bitcoin’s supply is capped. Another survey says 60% don’t know much. Because nothing says ‘education’ like a crypto crash course in a TikTok video. 🧠

“Bitcoin gets rejected not because it’s bad, but because people don’t get it. Because nothing says ‘ignorance’ like dismissing something you don’t understand.” 🧠

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2025-09-04 04:46