Why Betting on Bitcoin Over Gold Is Like Rooting for a Turtle in a Cheetah Race

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Ah, Peter Schiff – the ultimate gold fanboy – has taken to social media to remind us all that Bitcoin is currently doing about as much as my houseplants during winter: absolutely nothing. Meanwhile, gold is busy throwing a record-breaking party that none of us were invited to. 🥳

Gold’s new record high

Just today, gold sashayed its way past the $3,600 mark for the first time ever. If gold were a person, it’d be the kind that shows up to reunions looking ten years younger and bragging about their CrossFit gains.

“It’s doing exactly what one would expect with the Fed about to cut rates into rising inflation,” Peter explained, as if this sentence alone settles every argument about what to buy. Honestly, it sounds like something my dad would say after watching one episode of a documentary and deciding he’s now an expert.

According to U.Today, the chance of a rate cut shot up after the U.S. Labor Department released jobs data so underwhelming it could put a caffeinated squirrel to sleep. Essentially, the economy is slowing down, and apparently, gold is just lapping the track in a shiny, heavy-metal sprint.

“You bet on the wrong horse”

Schiff, ever the gracious winner, pointed out that folks who threw their chips on Bitcoin instead of gold ended up backing the equivalent of the turtle when the cheetah was clearly ready to pounce. 🐢🐆

Despite gold’s market cap being the financial equivalent of a sumo wrestler at a ballet recital (i.e., huge and awkwardly out of place), it has outperformed Bitcoin in 2025. Bitcoin investors are now down 13% compared to gold, which Schiff suggests makes gold the “safe haven” everyone forgot to bet on-like an old sweater you suddenly realize is the comfiest thing you own.

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2025-09-05 22:17