Wall Street’s Hidden Bitcoin Boom: You Won’t Believe Who’s Buying In!

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Picture this: Wall Street’s been around longer than my Aunt Edna’s latkes, but here comes Jordi Visser, a guy with more finance notches on his belt than the Concorde’s had flights. He jumps onto X (yeah, that place formerly known as Twitter—we’re getting that meta) to tell everyone, “You’re all yelling about tariffs, meanwhile the real story is sneaking up on you like Mel Brooks in a gorilla suit!” 🦍

Jordi’s seen every trading desk this side of Broadway, and now he’s at the helm of a $25 billion fund—yes, billion, with a B, folks! He throws out this zinger: “Everyone’s obsessed with tariffs. But what if I told you… it’s all background noise? The real financial musical chairs have already started and no one’s got a seat!”

The ‘Quiet Rise’ Of Bitcoin (aka That Thing Your Cousin Won’t Shut Up About)

Our man Jordi does a kazoo solo about the US economy: “Tariffs? Schmariffs! The USA made a left turn and forgot to signal: it’s all about services now—$14 trillion in services and just $2.3 trillion in goods. Manufacturing jobs flatlined since 1965! It’s like the Broadway chorus line: more people on stage, nobody’s actually working back there.”

But wait, there’s a global twist! Jordi points at Asia, and—oy vey!—the New Taiwan dollar’s jumping around like it sat on a hot matzo ball. “This is the real canary, people! Taiwan’s currency is having a midlife crisis and Asia might be cashing out of $2.5 trillion in dollar reserves. No more Uncle Sam as Reserve Currency King! The dollar’s losing its VIP lounge access.”

Here’s the catch: With less love for Treasuries, interest rates go up whether the Fed likes it or not. “No more forced Treasury buyers,” Jordi shouts. “So rates are rising even if Jerome Powell tries to cut ‘em. It’s like trying to mop up Niagara Falls with a sponge!” 💦

The higher rates hit the “maybe we’ll make money someday” companies hardest. And now, AI’s arriving faster than a Borscht Belt punchline, eating venture capitalists’ lunch and making private equity sweatier than a Catskills comedian during Passover. “Assets priced for the future? Sorry! Rising rates and killer AI are tag-teaming those like a wrestling duo!”

Meanwhile, while Wall Street’s busy making chart art, Bitcoin’s sneaking up like a surprise party. “Nineteen straight days of ETF inflows!” Jordi cries. Institutions are piling in, state reserves are showing up, and Bitcoin is looking more legit than my fifth cousin’s rabbinical certificate. He nails it: “While the old system’s doing the cha-cha, Bitcoin’s moonwalking. But everyone’s too busy watching yesterday’s news!” 🚀

Final word from Jordi in a nutshell—AI is moving faster than my last divorce, Bitcoin’s turning into the world’s piggy bank, and the financial system’s getting rebuilt while everyone’s arguing about tariffs from the 1900s. He’s basically screaming, “Put down your history books and look out the window—they’re paving a new road!”

Jordi doesn’t mess with price targets—no carnival barkers here—but if his playbook’s right, the future’s bright for anything rare, digital, and definitely not made by the government.

By the way: At press time, Bitcoin’s flexing at $104,718. Mazel tov!

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2025-05-12 16:03