Well, butter my biscuit and call me impressed. Rui-Siang Lin, aka “Pharaoh”-a name that screams “I’m totally not up to something shady”-has been sentenced to 30 years in federal prison. Turns out, building a dark web empire on the backs of cocaine, meth, and counterfeit pills isn’t exactly a resume booster. Who knew?
Lin, who apparently thought “Incognito Market” was a clever name for a criminal enterprise (spoiler: it’s not), pleaded guilty to charges that include drug trafficking, money laundering, and selling medication that was about as legitimate as a three-dollar bill. U.S. District Judge Colleen McMahon handed down the sentence in Manhattan, because where else would you send a man who’s made $105 million selling drugs online? Disney World?
From October 2020 to March 2024, Incognito Market was the Amazon of the underworld, complete with branding, customer support, and a 5% commission that would make Jeff Bezos blush. The only difference? Instead of Prime shipping, you got your drugs delivered with a side of potential fentanyl poisoning. Classy.
Authorities say the platform moved over 1,000 kilograms of cocaine, 1,000 kilograms of meth, and enough other drugs to make a 1980s rock star blush. Oh, and let’s not forget the counterfeit pills, because nothing says “I care about my customers” like selling them poison.
Lin, who pocketed $6 million (because why stop at just being a drug lord when you can be a greedy drug lord?), oversaw 400,000 buyer accounts, 1,800 vendors, and 640,000 transactions. That’s a lot of people who probably wish they’d stuck to buying their drugs the old-fashioned way: from a guy named “Snake” in a dimly lit alley.
But the real cherry on this criminal sundae? Lin didn’t just shut down his marketplace-he stole user funds and tried to extort customers by threatening to expose their identities. Because nothing says “I’m a stand-up guy” like blackmailing your own clientele. Bravo, Pharaoh. Bravo.
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2026-02-07 16:21