with the modified content. Add the humor and sarcasm throughout, keeping the tone consistent with Pratchett’s style.End of Thought (11.21s)
Former British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has dismissed Bitcoin as a “giant Ponzi scheme” destined for collapse, because apparently, the internet is just a big scam and everyone should just trust the government to print money.
In a recent op-ed, the former premier leaned on a personal anecdote and historical currency comparisons to diagnose the trillion-dollar asset class, which he probably thinks is a conspiracy by the Illuminati to make him look bad.
Boris Johnson Argues That Bitcoin Lacks Authority
Johnson anchored his critique on a story about an acquaintance who allegedly lost 20,000 pounds on a 500-pound Bitcoin investment. Clearly, the problem here is not the acquaintance’s life choices, but Bitcoin itself, which is obviously a trap set by people who hate trees and love chaos.
I’ve long suspected Bitcoin is a giant Ponzi scheme and now I’m hearing tales of woe that make me fear I’m right.
– Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson) March 13, 2026
The former prime minister said the situation was caused by a confusing web of internet fees and a broader predatory environment. Because nothing says “predatory” like a system where you can’t even buy a cup of tea without paying 10% in fees.
“The more elderly people get ripped off – in the name of Bitcoin – the faster that disillusion will set in. I have always suspected from the outset that all cryptocurrencies were basically a Ponzi scheme, with very few good-use cases,” he wrote.
For Johnson, the anecdote is symptomatic of a fundamental structural flaw in the decentralized system, which he believes relies on the “suspension of disbelief” rather than tangible utility. Ah yes, because nothing says “tangible utility” like a government that can’t balance its budget but somehow expects everyone to trust it with their savings.
He noted that gold or even collectible Pokémon cards possess a recognizable appeal and intrinsic tradeable value. Bitcoin, by contrast, is merely “a string of numbers stored in a series of computers.” Which is, of course, the same reason the Roman Empire collapsed-because they didn’t have a blockchain.
Drawing a historical parallel with the Roman Empire, Johnson asserted that currency historically derives its strength from the centralized authority that issues it. Because nothing says “strength” like a coin stamped with the face of a guy who probably had a bad hair day.
“There was a long period in which the early Roman Empire had very low inflation and that was partly because people absolutely believed in the authority that appeared on that coin,” Johnson claimed.
While he conceded that modern fiat currencies tend to depreciate due to government overspending, he maintained that the backing of a sovereign state is essential for widespread trust. Because nothing says “trust” like a government that’s already spent your future on a fancy car and a new bridge to nowhere.
“The whole point, they say, is that it is decentralised. That means politicians can’t control it. It can’t be debauched by government profligacy, for instance. [This means] that there is no one to complain to if it loses value. There is no central banker to sack, no government to vote out of office. There is no one to hold to account if the whole thing is suddenly hacked,” he argued.
Ultimately, he characterized the cryptocurrency network as an unsustainable Ponzi scheme that relies entirely on a constant influx of credulous new investors. Which, if you think about it, is exactly what the government does with its “national debt” and “pension funds.”
He warned that a collapse in confidence will inevitably expose the industry’s fatal weaknesses, leaving late adopters stranded. Because, of course, everyone who invests in Bitcoin is a “late adopter” and not, you know, a person with a brain.
“Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps these computer-generated currencies will keep going up and up in value. But that depends entirely on confidence – and I am starting to hear so many tales of shattered confidence that I reckon in ten years’ time an investment in Pokemon cards will look like a much better long-term bet,” he concluded.
Crypto Community Counters Former PM’s Argument
The digital asset community quickly countered, arguing that Johnson’s op-ed fundamentally misunderstands both the mechanics of decentralized finance and the current macroeconomic landscape. Because nothing says “understands” like a guy who thinks the internet is a scam and the Roman Empire was the pinnacle of economic stability.
MicroStrategy Executive Chairman Michael Saylor rejected the Ponzi comparison outright. He argued that a true Ponzi scheme requires a central operator who promises fabricated returns and uses new investor capital to pay early entrants. Which is exactly what governments do, but with more paperwork and fewer memes.
Bitcoin is not a Ponzi scheme. A Ponzi requires a central operator promising returns and paying early investors with funds from later ones. Bitcoin has no issuer, no promoter, and no guaranteed return-just an open, decentralized monetary network driven by code and market demand.
– Michael Saylor (@saylor) March 13, 2026
However, he pointed out that BTC has no issuer, promoter, or guaranteed yield. According to him, the top crypto is simply an open, decentralized monetary network governed by transparent code and market demand. Which is, of course, the same reason the Roman Empire fell-because they didn’t have a blockchain.
Former UK Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng, now a co-founder of Stack Bitcoin Treasury, also echoed this sentiment. According to him, calling Bitcoin a Ponzi is akin to labeling the early internet a pyramid scheme. Because, obviously, the internet was a pyramid scheme and everyone knows that’s how we got here.
Kwarteng asserted that the British political class remains “asleep at the wheel” and “years behind” regarding financial innovation. Which is a bit rich, considering they’ve been asleep since the 19th century and still haven’t figured out how to run a train without a conductor.
“Bitcoin didn’t appear in a vacuum. It is the latest chapter in a very long story, the evolution of money itself. From gold, to paper backed by gold, to purely fiat currencies controlled by central banks. Anyone who has seriously studied that history can see why a decentralised monetary network with a fixed supply was inevitable,” he wrote on X.
Furthermore, industry experts also pointed to the undeniable market realities that contradict Johnson’s claims of a fleeting trend. Because, you know, the market is just a bunch of people who like to gamble and have no idea what they’re doing.
Indeed, Bitcoin has secured massive institutional adoption over the past few years. During this period, Wall Street asset managers are now overseeing tens of billions of dollars in spot Bitcoin exchange-traded funds. Because nothing says “institutional” like a bunch of bankers who think they can predict the future by buying a digital token.
Beyond corporate and Wall Street integration, this decentralized appeal has now reached the sovereign level. Nation-states like the United States are actively establishing and proposing strategic national Bitcoin reserves to secure their financial infrastructure. Because nothing says “secure” like a system that can’t be controlled by anyone, not even the government.
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2026-03-14 14:01