I’m Baby Reindeer’s Richard Gadd, and this is why I knew I had to transform everything about myself for my new TV series

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I used to enjoy writing in public places like cafes and libraries, finding inspiration in being around other people. But since my show, Baby Reindeer, came out, that’s no longer possible.

These days, simply leaving the house feels complicated. I’m particularly aware of being watched when I write in public, as so many people have seen ‘Baby Reindeer’ and are aware of my work. Because of this, I mostly write on film sets, in editing rooms, or at home in my study in North London.

As a huge film buff, I’ve always felt that writing is essential for me. It’s my way of hitting pause on life and really thinking things through. Honestly, it’s the only thing that’s ever given me a true sense of understanding. I’ve discovered it’s amazing at taking big, overwhelming problems and making them feel… smaller, more something I can actually handle. It’s like editing a messy scene – you cut away the excess and suddenly everything’s clearer.

I have a very early memory of learning to write. It might actually be my very first memory! I wrote a little book called “Felix the Furball,” about a fluffball that kept getting blown away. I don’t remember many details, but I was completely fascinated with it at the time.

I used to spend hours randomly hitting keys on my dad’s computer – it’s funny, because I still write kind of the same way! I was devastated when he suddenly threw it away after it got a virus. I cried for weeks, because I felt like I’d lost everything I’d created. I think I was only about five years old, or even younger, at the time.

I’ve kept diaries on and off throughout my life, particularly when things have been tough. I’ve found writing in them helps me stay centered during difficult times. I haven’t reread them yet – I suspect it would be a bit painful – but I think they’d be a fascinating look back at how I was thinking and feeling at different points in my life.

I think most writing, even fiction like my new BBC drama, Half Man, ultimately comes from personal experience. I believe all art is a way for creators to express their understanding of the world, people, and their own place in it – it’s about making sense of things through a personal lens.

Creating compelling work is really challenging, particularly when making television. The tight deadlines, constant pressure, and many different opinions can be overwhelming. Plus, you’re still trying to express your unique perspective. It’s a lot to balance, and it can be incredibly difficult.

I also appreciate that the effort makes success even more rewarding. I truly believe that hard work and persistence ultimately lead to a deep sense of personal fulfillment.

The attention after ‘Baby Reindeer’ was intense, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the pressure I’ve been putting on myself for the last two years to ensure ‘Half Man’ is the best it can be.

I always write to please myself, and I think every writer should. While creating a TV show means considering what others want, if you lose your own passion or start prioritizing others’ opinions over your own, the work ultimately won’t succeed for anyone.

I’m deeply invested in every project I take on, because I believe it benefits everyone involved. I dedicate myself completely to my work, so it’s crucial that I feel creatively fulfilled – otherwise, there’s no real purpose.

People might think my work is based on my own life story, but “Half Man” is completely made up. A quick search online would show that my childhood was nothing like the experiences of the main characters, Ruben and Niall, whose lives become intertwined when their mothers become roommates.

Although I was raised in Scotland, my childhood was quite different from what’s depicted in the story. I grew up in a very small town – almost a village – with just one shop and a bus service that only ran once a year. This made for a much more sheltered upbringing compared to the lives of characters like Ruben and Niall, who live in a busier, more urban setting.

Despite everything, it felt important to set this story in the country where I grew up. I’m really proud of how Scotland is portrayed on screen – the visuals, the accent, the people, it all resonates with me. Glasgow, in particular, has transformed artistically over the years. It used to be seen as a rough city when I was young, but now it’s become one of the UK’s leading centers for culture.

Niall and Ruben aren’t based on specific people, but rather on common personality types we often see in men. Many of us have met someone like Ruben – someone who is hurt, keeps things bottled up, and is easily angered or violent. And we’ve almost certainly known someone who initially seems calm and trustworthy, like Niall, but who has a hidden, manipulative side.

I’m not exactly sure why I’m sharing this story at this moment, but it feels relevant. With so much recent discussion about men and their roles in society, I wanted to understand how we got here. I thought exploring the roots of male violence and anger through the lives of two troubled people would be a powerful way to do that.

I don’t see this series as being about harmful masculinity. It’s more about what it means to be a man, and the pressure men face to hide their feelings. It explores inner pain and the rigid expectations placed upon them. While some might focus on the idea of ‘toxic masculinity’ from the show, at its heart, it’s a complex and moving story about two young men becoming adults and learning to understand and love each other.

Dealing with difficult emotions like loneliness and past trauma in my work is challenging, but also surprisingly rewarding. Having experienced these feelings myself, I try to portray them authentically, hoping to connect with others who understand. It’s not always easy, but it can be a really healing process. Writing about personal struggles, in general, can bring a powerful sense of understanding and clarity. While it might sound like a familiar idea, art truly can be cathartic and help you process difficult experiences.

I hadn’t originally planned to be in the film, Half Man. It was Jamie Bell who first brought it up when I traveled to Los Angeles to convince him to join the project. I’d long pictured Jamie as Niall, and while I don’t usually have specific actors in mind when I’m writing, he kept coming to mind as I developed the character.

It’s hard to say exactly why, but I truly believe he’s an exceptionally gifted actor. He kept coming to mind as I was writing, almost relentlessly. Perhaps it was because I admired his work in the film Hallam Foe, where he played a Scottish character. Ultimately, when I get the urge to create, I have to follow through – and I think he felt the same way when he asked me to join his project.

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So, around then, HBO – they were co-producing with the BBC – also approached me about playing the older version of Ruben. It was weird, because it felt like everyone was suddenly on the same page. Honestly, it freaked me out a little, but that’s actually what made me want to do it. I have this thing where, if a role really scares me, I get this almost automatic urge to just go for it and prove I can. It’s a weird reaction, I know!

To convincingly play a character filled with anger and aggression, I realized I needed to transform my physical presence.

I completely changed my physique for each role – I went from being very thin for ‘Baby Reindeer’ to much larger for ‘Half Man’. I spent about a year training, six days a week, and sometimes even twice a day, to get ready for filming. I still wanted to gain more muscle, but I did the best I could with the time available. I worked closely with a nutritionist and a personal trainer, sticking to a rigorous diet and exercise plan. It’s amazing how much the body can achieve.

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Filming and editing Half Man, and coming back to Glasgow – where I went to university – really reminded me how much I love Scotland. My parents, who still live in Fife, haven’t had a chance to see it yet, but they’ll be the very first to watch it when it’s finished.

Photography: Muir Vidler @muirvidler

Styling: Amanda Blackwood @amandablackwoodstylist

Grooming: Sandra Hahnel @sandrahahnel

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2026-04-13 14:38