In the grand theater of capitalism, where the stage is set with golden coins and the spotlight glints off corporate crowns, Credit One Bank has taken a bow for its latest performance: a $10.2 million settlement after allegedly harassing customers with the subtlety of a telemarketer with a vendetta. One might call it a symphony of persistence, if the notes weren’t all “HELLO, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING.”
The script, penned by the District Attorneys’ Offices of Los Angeles, Riverside, San Diego, and Santa Clara counties, tells a tale of agents instructed to call, and call, and call again-ten times a day, like a mosquito that’s read the room and decided to stay for dinner. The victims, poor souls, were left to wonder: Is this debt collection or a modern-day Carmen?
California’s consumer protection laws, it seems, were treated by Credit One as mere stage directions to ignore. The state’s constitutional right to privacy? A suggestion, apparently. But lo! Judge Harold Hopp, with the wisdom of Solomon and the patience of a saint, has now demanded the bank adhere to laws that, shockingly, require humans to stop calling when asked.
Nine million dollars in penalties, $1.2 million in investigative costs, and a stern lecture on civility later, Credit One denies wrongdoing with the sincerity of a politician promising tax cuts. One imagines the boardroom laughter over this mess, followed by a round of “Who’s next?”
District Attorney Nathan J. Hochman, speaking with the gravitas of a man who’s seen too many popcorn bags stolen in movie theaters, declared that “credit card companies do not have the right to badger consumers.” A bold statement, though one wonders if it extends to the relentless emails from his own department’s subscription services.
And so, Credit One-526th-largest bank in the U.S., with assets of $1.921 billion-learns a lesson in humility. Or perhaps it’s just another line item on the balance sheet, a small price to pay for the privilege of annoying 10 million people. After all, what’s $10 million when you’ve got a monopoly on guilt?
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2026-02-28 11:22