Cryptonews

With the solemnity of a Soviet bureaucrat tallying tractor production quotas, SharpLink announced the acquisition of 79,949 ETH this week. The price? A mere $3,238 per token, totaling a cool $258.9 million—because why not? This follows last week’s modest $49 million splurge, bringing their total ETH hoard to a staggering 360,807 ETH. At current market rates, that’s roughly $1.3 billion. Or, as the peasants might say, “enough to buy several small countries.”

Behold! Pi Network has experienced a fleeting blush of life in the past 24 hours, gallantly ascending by a sprightly 7% to grace the realm of $0.48. But, my dear compatriots, the real drama unfolds elsewhere!

BeInCrypto, them clever scoundrels, have rounded up two more of these critters for your watchlist. Let’s take a gander, shall we?

That smarty-pants analyst, Kyle Chassé, reckons Bitcoin’s dominance has taken a tumble—from 65% to 60% in just 30 days. That’s faster than a catfish on a hook! 🐟 This ain’t just a stumble; it’s a full-on belly flop into the altcoin pool. And boy, are they makin’ a splash!

In an act of what one might call bravado fueled by optimism—it’s almost poetic—Schiff insists that long-term holders of Ethereum ought to snatch their profits and engage in a little friendly rotation— to Bitcoin, of course. A veritable dance of digital assets!

In this mad rush, a few altcoins are playing with fire, thanks to short-term traders slapping on leverage like it’s going out of style. Liquidations could be messy – and hilarious, if you’re not the one losing your shirt. 🤷‍♀️

Well, according to the renowned seers at Glassnode and their Cost Basis Distribution Heatmap (which, by the way, sounds like something out of a wizarding school for crypto), a significant clan of ETH investors who hoarded their coins around the vibrant $2,520 mark have begun to book their profits. This is evident from the fading red bands reminiscent of the dreaded early July—how they make the heart flutter! Despite this, an astonishing count of nearly 2 million ETH remains as unmoved as a cat in a sunbeam. Their findings daintily reveal three crisp insights:

In the estimable opinion of this gold-besotted oracle, Ethereum’s rise is naught but a transient flirtation within a grander narrative of decline—akin to a summer romance destined for heartbreak. He brandishes technical charts like a debutante waves a fan, insisting Ether’s prospects are dashed by rivals and a crumbling narrative. How very tragic, indeed! 📉

According to the Financial Times, JPMorgan might just start offering loans secured by cryptocurrencies like bitcoin and ethereum as early as next year. Of course, plans are as fickle as the weather, but the bank has already dipped its toes into the crypto pool, including lending against holdings in cryptocurrency exchange-traded funds. This move is as much a reflection of the evolving regulatory landscape as it is a response to client demand for digital asset services. After all, one must keep up with the times, non? 🕰️

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