Cryptonews

Founded in 2018 by Mike Cagney-a name that now echoes like a forgotten lullaby-and now shepherded by CEO Michael Tannenbaum since 2024, Figure peddles blockchain-based lending. A modern alchemy, transforming HELOCs, crypto-backed loans, and a “digital asset exchange” into what? Paper dreams? Digital phantoms? For six months ending June 30, 2025, they boast $29.1 million in net income on $190.6 million in revenue. A tidy sum, to be sure, but does it nourish the spirit? Does it feed the hungry? No. It fuels the Nasdaq ticker FIGR, where it will dance on September 10. One wonders: when the music stops, will the chairs be enough for all? 🎭

Mark your calendars, for on the 22nd of September, Coinbase Derivatives shall present the “Mag7 + Crypto Equity Index Futures,” a novelty in the U.S. market. This instrument doth track the “Magnificent 7” tech stocks-Apple, Microsoft, Alphabet, Amazon, Nvidia, Meta, and Tesla-a veritable pantheon of innovation. 🏛️

This peculiar assemblage will feature the “Magnificent 7” titans-Apple, Microsoft, Alphabet, Amazon, Nvidia, Meta, and Tesla-alongside BlackRock’s Bitcoin and Ether ETFs, and, of course, Coinbase’s own proud stock. Each, bearing equal weight, as if to maintain cosmic balance. 🕊️

Bitcoin, that cursed digital ledger, launched a fresh recovery wave above $108,500-a number so mundane it could only be the work of a bored accountant. With a surge of vigor (or perhaps a caffeine IV drip), BTC shattered $108,800 and $110,000, two barriers that had stood for eons like digital Stonehenges.

As our dear friends at Reuters have whispered in my ear, Japan Post Bank-yes, that venerable institution born as a humble postal savings system in 1875-is planning to debut its very own digital yen. Imagine that! They’re currently sitting on a rather impressive 190 trillion yen (a cool $1.3 trillion USD, darling).

On the social media platform X, Javon Marks, a name that strikes both fear and excitement among traders, has shared a revelation that could change the course of SHIB’s fate. According to Marks, the MACD histogram has confirmed a regular bullish divergence, a technical indicator that suggests a significant shift in momentum. This pattern, often a harbinger of great things to come, indicates that the bears, who have dominated the market for far too long, may soon be forced to retreat. The bulls, those optimistic souls who believe in the power of SHIB, are beginning to stir, their eyes set on reclaiming what they believe is rightfully theirs.

Cardano clings to the $0.81 ledge like a drunkard to a lamppost, its $0.68 support line a lifeline in a storm of uncertainty. The chart, a canvas of chaos, hints at a potential bottom-a hopeful sigh in a symphony of selling. “Gradual slowdown in selling pressure,” they say. Translation: Bulls are playing chess while bears play checkers. 🐾

Ah, but let us not forget how we got here. Cast your mind back to the halcyon days of 2021-2022, when NFTs were all the rage, and everyone with an internet connection was suddenly an art collector (or at least pretending to be). Trading volumes soared higher than Bertie Wooster after one too many cocktails. Alas, those heady times are now as distant as Aunt Agatha’s forgiveness.

But, just when you thought it was safe to check your portfolio, a few brave US crypto stocks decided to shake things up and prove that maybe – just maybe – there’s still some life left in the somewhat-dead crypto carnival ride. So buckle up, folks. This week’s looking like a rollercoaster with a questionable safety record.

Looking at the charts, it’s clear that HBAR is stuck in this tight little range between $0.22 and $0.23. It’s like the market’s been hitting the snooze button on a trend, waiting for something to happen. And guess what? This range has been a major floor before, so it’s kind of a big deal. The token has corrected from higher levels, and if it can stay above this zone, we might have something worth celebrating.