Cryptonews

It seems Ms. Cook has momentarily stepped away from her epic battle with the former President-who, let’s face it, probably spends more time tweeting than governing these days-to address a crowd of economists and policy wonks. 🎭 “My assessment is that inflation is on track to continue on its trend toward our target of 2% once the tariff effects are behind us,” she declared, as if predicting the weather rather than the fate of the American economy. She added, with the gravitas of a woman who’s seen it all, that she would “act forcefully” if tariffs proved more troublesome than expected. One imagines her cracking her knuckles, ready to unleash the fury of monetary policy. 💥

Apparently, even Trump’s people were looking at this stuff. Like that’s a good sign. And now this iShares Bitcoin Trust ETF is doing terribly. 20% below its high? Less than a month ago?! It’s like buying a new shirt and realizing you already have three just like it. 🤦‍♂️

It’s not just a trickle, no, dear reader. This is the highest surge seen in eight long months. Eight months! Could it be that the humble XRP is staging a grand comeback, like a forgotten hero in a Solzhenitsyn novel? The price of XRP, too, has felt the touch of divine intervention, soaring 14% in the last 24 hours, like an underdog hero snatching victory at the last possible moment. 😲

As noted by the ever-cheerful on-chain analyst Checkmate (who, one assumes, chose the name ironically), Bitcoin’s recent tumble has left investors clutching their wallets like a man who’s just realized he’s left his trousers on the train. The “Realized Cap,” a term that sounds far more dignified than the current situation warrants, refers to the sum total of USD spent acquiring BTC-not its present value, which, at the moment, is about as reassuring as a Jeeves-less household.

According to one Ali Martinez-analyst by trade, fortune-teller by ambition-Cardano has once more returned to a mystical horizontal line at $0.52, a sacred number so revered it’s been kissed by ADA’s price more times than a politician shakes hands. This phenomenon isn’t sorcery, mind you. Nay, it’s called a “Parallel Channel,” a technical analysis term so fancy it sounds like it belongs in a congressional report. 🧠📉

A three-judge panel at the Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals, with the gravity of philosophers and the wit of satirists, declared on Tuesday that Prime’s lawsuit against the government is as futile as a sparrow’s attempt to move a mountain. For years, they noted, Prime denied his wealth, claiming but a pittance in Bitcoin. Only later, when the winds of fortune shifted, did he proclaim himself a tycoon. “A delay most unreasonable,” the judges intoned, “and thus his suit is barred.” Even if the Bitcoin existed-a matter they leave to the realm of speculation-to grant him relief would be inequitable. Justice, it seems, has a sense of humor.

According to Hayes, it’s all about the U.S. government finally pullin’ its socks up and endin’ this pesky shutdown. Once they start shovelin’ liquidity back into the financial markets, well, buckle up! Bitcoin’s gonna be hittin’ new highs faster than a jackrabbit on a hot griddle.

La thèse centrale, telle un vaudeville chevronné, est que la technologie de Zcash enfin rencontre le Peuple où il est. Galaxie tient en haute estime le portefeuille Zashi, créé en 2024 et chevauchant aujourd’hui, qui vient débroussailler la contrariété du système de dérivés psychologiques, et s’unit avec la couche d’Intention de NEAR pour permettre aux usagers d’exprimer des résultats – échanger ceci en ZEC, payer lui – sans velléités de franchissement ou de ballets d’applications.

Apparently, our favourite gold-bug economist, Peter Schiff (you know, the guy who’s been predicting crypto’s demise since… well, forever?) is having a field day. He’s basically saying “I told you so” with extra emphasis and, presumably, a smug expression. It’s exhausting, honestly. He’s convinced bitcoin is now properly, officially, unequivocally in bear market territory. Groundbreaking. 🙄

Our crypto guru, Matt Hougan from Bitwise, thinks the crypto world’s bottoming out is the buzz I’ve needed to flop on my couch and munch chips in peace.