Cryptonews

Lo, the global crypto masses tremble, clutching their cold wallets and searching the stars for answers. The firm known as Canary Capital-surely named after the bird that dies first in the coal mine-has released its latest prophecy: “Bitcoin’s Four-Year Cycle: The 2025 Reality Check.” A title so dry, one might weep. Yet within its pages burns a truth both horrifying and mundane: the downturn arrived early, like an unwanted guest at a dinner party of speculators.

Ah, Senator Warren, the Massachusetts Democrat, whose brow furrows at the mere whisper of Bitcoin in retirement accounts. She prophesies losses as vast as the Russian steppe, demanding answers from federal regulators with the fervor of a peasant demanding bread. 🍞💔

And oh, the funding rates-which used to yawn like a half-awake sloth-now leap about like a kangaroo on espresso. Altcoins, those poor neglected stepchildren of crypto, found themselves in a faint grin too. “Futures term structures? Short-dated options? They’ve all danced barefoot in the same puddle,” snorted the analysts. “How… chaotic. Almost like fun.”

Mark your calendars for 9 a.m. UTC on Jan. 21, when Binance shall execute a grand finale of delistings-BIDUSDT, DMCUSDT, ZRCUSDT, and TANSSIUSDT-like a theater closing after a disastrous premiere. Positions will be liquidated, tokens banished, and new entrants barred with the rigor of a bouncer at a ghost town gala.

The price of Ethereum, that fickle mistress, has turned bullish, climbing with the steadiness of a revolutionary’s resolve. But what’s this? On-chain data reveals that this ascent is built upon a foundation of steady activity, not mere speculation. Daily transactions have soared to 2.8 million, a record that mocks the peak of the 2021 bull market by a staggering 64%! 📈 And yet, in the grand theater of blockchain, this is no mere spectacle-it is a sign of real usage, from decentralized finance to stablecoin settlements, a network humming with life. 🎭

And as for his comparison to Bitcoin! A most dismal affair, indeed. He remains, to put it bluntly, in a decided decline, having briefly attempted to rise above his station, only to be promptly reminded of his limitations. Until he can demonstrate a more consistent upward trajectory, and hold himself above certain crucial averages, it is clear that Bitcoin maintains a most decided advantage. One does wonder if Mr. XRP shall ever learn. 🤔

To the west, the realm of Shiba Inu reeks of burned bridges-and tokens. Its burn rate, once a proud standard of deflationary might, collapsed like a poorly constructed meme into a 86.14% freefall, leaving but 749,000 SHIB tokens blackened by the fire. A golden cross? A corpse now, entombed in the snowdrift of stagnation.

They mumble something about “improved demand.” Improved from what, exactly? From utter desolation? Still “weak”, they whisper, as if afraid to offend the volatile beast. It’s a bear market pretending to be a picnic, and we’re all invited to watch it devour our hopes and dreams. Such optimism! Honestly.

Bitcoin appears to be in a delicate waltz of correction after its recent rally. Technical analysis whispers that the price may be in a late-stage pullback, a prelude to either a fiery ascent or a somber descent. 🌌

Analysts, ever the cautious optimists, say we need to check if this activity is the real deal or just a crypto party that’s running out of snacks. 🍿