Cryptonews

A “cryptobank,” according to this decree, is a joint-stock company bold enough to juggle token operations and traditional banking. Imagine a circus act where a flamingo tries to balance on a unicycle while juggling chainsaws – that’s Belarus’ new financial ecosystem. 🦩🔥

Polymarket recently posted a 65% chance for NFTs (non-fungible tokens) to make a comeback in 2026. 😂 Let’s be real, this is just another way to bet on something that’s already been a disaster. 🚨

A major U.S. financial institution highlighted potential risks tied to the growth of stablecoins. Bank of America Corp. (NYSE: BAC) warned during its fourth-quarter earnings call on Jan. 15 that stablecoin adoption could affect bank deposits, lending capacity, and borrowing costs across the financial system. 🧊

These venerable institutions, resembling ravenous wolves cloaked in suits, amassed wealth from thin air, swelling their vaults from fifty-six billion to an eye-watering one hundred thirty-four billion in mere months. Such greed! They claimed dominion over more than 5% of Bitcoin and Ethereum’s supply, bequeathing half a million Bitcoin to the cold custody of their ledgers-proof, perhaps, that humanity’s obsession with ownership remains relentless.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office for the District of Utah announced the sentencing, marking the end of a multi-year fraud operation that exploited cryptocurrency’s growing popularity. 🚨📈

Crypto-native rails are changing expectations fast. Deposits that once took hours now clear in minutes, and withdrawals no longer feel like a test of patience. The result is a quieter but deeper transformation in how casinos compete.

Apparently, this retreat has the Democrats clutching their pearls, claiming it’s a blow to investor protection and the credibility of U.S. markets. I mean, who knew the SEC’s credibility was hanging by such a crypto thread? 🧵💔

Riot Platforms has completed the fee simple acquisition of the land under its Rockdale, Texas site and inked its first major data center lease with Advanced Micro Devices. The move sent Riot’s shares skyrocketing over 9% in early trading-talk about a dramatic entrance, roll out the red carpet for the servers! 😂

Despite its modesty, ADA clings to the 12th largest cryptocurrency throne, boasting a market cap of $14.4 billion and a circulating supply of 37 billion tokens. Sentiment remains as mixed as a cocktail at a masquerade ball, but recent chart patterns have investors whispering like gossiping gossips.

According to the leader, Decree No. 19-named with the flair of a novel’s chapter-permits the fusion of token operations with traditional banking, payments, and other financial services. A most curious marriage, one might say, akin to pairing a quadrille with a waltz, yet all in pursuit of “technological efficiency.” 🤷♂️