Cryptonews

So, Bitcoin’s gonna rebound, they say. Within 180 days. Because why not? It’s not like the market’s predictable or anything. 🤷‍♂️

One does so hate to sound alarmist, but it appears the age of digital swindles is truly upon us. As these ‘hacks’ become frightfully common, so do the charming individuals exploiting the, shall we say, less discerning investor. Very tiresome, really. 🙄

Y a-t-il un investissement plus prometteur que les produits XRP ? Ils ont drôlement attiré quelque 990 millions de nimbes en autant de jours, dépensant joyeusement! Ces capitaux sautent actuellement à 1,18 milliard, presque un pour cent du capital total de XRP ! Cela paraît croustillant, si l’on songe au monde des ETFs et des trusts. 🙈📈

Apparently, this whole fiasco is giving everyone flashbacks to that time your aunt tried to explain Bitcoin over Thanksgiving dinner. 🦃🔥

Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s price has taken a slight tumble, darling. On December 15, BTC sashayed around $89,608, down a mere 0.62% in 24 hours. A brief dip to $87,996 had the market clutching its pearls, but it bounced back like a resilient socialite, settling near $89,900. The crypto market, ever the drama queen, shed $130 billion in value, leaving its total capitalization at a still-fabulous $2.98 trillion. 💎

Oh, the venerable Bitcoin, that paragon of digital virtue, has taken a tumble to a two-week low, while our old friend Michael Saylor, ever the eccentric, has once again graced us with his famed “Orange Dots”-a spectacle that has sent shivers down the spines of even the most stoic investors. 🍊📉

They listed this beauty on the London Stock Exchange’s International Securities Market-where everyone pretends to be sophisticated-and it settled same day via Euroclear’s permissioned DLT. It’s like digital bonds went to a private club. Very exclusive, very fancy.

On what can only be described as a romantically charged Dec. 12 (why not Valentine’s Day, honestly?), Bitnomial Inc., Chicago’s most unexpectedly glamorous fintech export, announced that its clearing arm got the CFTC’s big “yes.” 🥹 That means Bitnomial Clearinghouse LLC now legally-and fully-clears fully collateralized swaps. Say that five times fast after a glass of Pinot, I dare you.

Apparently, Bitcoin doesn’t seem to get chummy with all the usual suspects in the financial world, which is considered a plus. And Brazilian investors have been having a bit of a devilish time with their currency lately, so a dash of something a little… different… might offer a spot of relief. Rather brilliantly, Itaú went and set up a dedicated crypto division in September 2025, staffed by a chap named João Marco Braga da Cunha – a name which, frankly, sounds like a cocktail, not a banker. He’s tasked with helping clients navigate this brave new world of regulated crypto frippery.